The Napkin Diaries

I was driving somewhere and decided to bust out one of my old ass untitled CDs from the back of the case yesterday, and La La happened to be one of the songs on the random ass CD. there is always one night in particular that i think of when i hear that song, and that would be the night we were in city bar - i know that dave, joe and megan were with me. and i think emily and michael were there too. either way, the girls went up to the front stage and this song came on. i threw one of my legs up on the railing and grinded all over the place, all swinging my hair around and being as drunk and sexy as possible. well, my sexiness was supposed to be wowing dave, instead, i ended up catching the lesbian's eye. she told me i was the best dancer in the bar and that i was really pretty. megan saved me. needless to say, i still have no idea what dave's reaction was that night because i was too busy being semi-molested by the little lesbian lady...

so yeah, everytime i hear this song, i think of that night. and that's funny.

okay, do you know how annoyed i am with frickin truckers? holy.frickin.crap. so, as you may know, i'm driving a ton this summer. and i mean, all i want to do is get from destination A to B. real simple, right? well, it would be awesome if nasty old trucker men would stop honking at me. GAH. so gay. seriously, i got beeped at 3 times on the way to charleston and 2 times on the way back. ooooh, big deal, girl driving sports car. get over it. get a life. get out of mine. why are some men so dumb? and please tell me how many times any man has gotten any woman by doing any of the following: honking, shouting, whistling, gawking, grabbing, harassing, or dropping raunchy pickup lines? come.on.
and while we're talking about it. well, actually we aren't. but why the hell can people not drive? i mean, if i see a car coming up behind me doing 83 mph, i move over. difficult, i know. instead, when i prefer to do 83 mph, trucks and other stupid vehicles such as the mini van and ugly scion box things prefer to get in my way. i mean ludacris made a song about this people. it's called "move, bitch, get out th' way." jesus. stupid truckers. stupid drivers. damnit, i need a drink.

Last night was the Esso Christmas party. Open bar. Lord. I took Joe as my fill-in date. He's a pro (thank you!) That cute boyfriend of mine was snowboarding and couldn't come get drunk with me. Booo. But I think it's safe to say that we had a good time. There was enough food to feed a small country and the alcohol that was consumed was at a sinful level.
I think I got drunk fast. The party started at 5:00. By 6:30 there was already booty dancing. Misty and Candle got that started for us -- I joined shortly after. I took a break at one point and I was just chillin out with Joe, Jabba and Wiggins. Apparently Wiggins made some comment along the lines of "Jabba is a sex offender." I heard "Jabba is a sexy panda." No idea... I was thoroughly confused and the boys found it to be extremely hillarious. I was made fun of for the rest of the night. I was also hit on for the majority of the night by Charles the owner. Interesting... Apparently he likes tall, dark haired girls with big boobs and since my boobs were kind of stealing the show, as Misty put it, I guess that made me a prime candidate to be hit on. Don't worry, Dave, I held my own... and after the shit I went through Saturday night/Sunday morning with one particular idiot, I can definitely be a monumental bitch if need be. Ha. I actually didn't really have to do much... just kinda walk away since he was so ridiculously drunk he didn't notice if I was there or not. Candice, our manager, gave us all these adorable glass ornaments that say Esso. Very cute - and thoughtful. We also did a Chinese Christmas gift exchange where you draw numbers and pick gifts and then you can steal or whatever. The gift I choose first was some shot glasses and a black and white picture of the Esso. It was stolen so I was able to choose another. It was so appropriate that I picked the gift that was a game called "What the F*ck?" How hysterical is that?! Its all these funny ass hypotheticals like "you're in prison for the rest of your life, do you want your cell mate to be (a) an angry cross-dresser or (b) an anorexic gang member." Oh I cannot wait to have another drunken board game night!
I had my fill of vanilla vodka and diet coke and ate all the dip, vegetables, and sausage balls I could stand by about 10:30. Joe and I goofed around for about another hour and then decided to head home. The party was really fun. I convinced myself that I needed a 30 minute bath when I got home. I don't know why really. I just sat there and talked to the cats. Whatever. And I didn't feel too much like tootie today when I woke up. Yay for the Esso Christmas party! Oh yeah and go look at the pictures in the December album to better appreciate the drunken fun that was had.

Last night, Megan and I went to Greenville to hang out with Blair and Matt (or Guff as we like to call him). Ed does karaoke at Wild Wings on Wednesdays so we figured we play the role of true groupies and go see him there. Before we went downtown, we met the boys at El Jalisco. Megan however could not remember the friggin name (and still can't for that matter) and would simply call it Ell all night. Big Blair (Blair's dad) has some magical company credit card and so we got to get a lot of beer and a couple good rounds of shots for free. And free makes everything taste better. Needless to say however, we were all pretty tipsy by about 10:00 when we left to go DT.
We went straight to Wild Wings. Enter: extremely drunk phase. Wild Wings gives free redbull on Wednesday! There IS a God! And booooy did we get shit-tay! Woot Woot. So yeah, we take our respective seats at the very front table with the strange girl from Tuesday night who was anti-bra with anger management issues, though she was actually a really sweet thing. Even if she did have spikes around her neck... So yeah, she decided to sing, and she is actually really good. She got on the table because she thinks she is Avril Lavigne and proceed to molest me via microphone. Really. Like sang all to me, grabbed my chin, batted her eyes. Megan kinda grunted and grabbed me. Thanks. It was sort of strange. So in honor of my lesbianish come-on, we took about 5 jager bombs. I suppose that because the bomb was free, they chose to be stingy with it... yeah so basically there was not so much bomb. And whoa that jager must have been mad at me for neglecting it lately because he kicked my hydraulic ass last night. Lord. So of course I lose all inhibitions and decided that I too should dance on tables. So I busted a move on a table top, Megan joined me and we put on a show; well, until the bouncer came in and shook his head at us and made us get back on ground level. Oops.
So as we were cracking up about our little performance, Avril and her two sidekicks come over and, Ishityounot, ask to touch my boobs! wtf? They told me that they just thought they were really pretty. I said that they were real, not fake, and they were like, we know, we could tell and that is why we wanted to touch them. I said "Ummm, thanks, but no sorry, you can't." So Megan and Blair grabbed them instead. Thanks guys. I love being molested. Ha. Ed was also excited about my boobs Wednesday night. Apparently they were a hit... I dunno. It's not technically my fault...
We decided we wanted to go to Platinum pretty soon but first we wanted to sit outside and get some fresh air. No big deal right? Well it wouldn't have been if all the chairs weren't freakin' chained together! If I pulled on one, the person next to me or across from me couldn't squeeze in. So we played musical chairs for about 5 minutes before we all found a seat that we could sit on without having our circulation cut off from being wedged in between the table and chair. I think we had to sit at 3 different tables between the 4 of us. Awesome. We're idiots.
So then we went to Platinum. Megan had to drive us because all those jagers with not so much bomb kind of kicked the rest of our asses. We busted up in there with our free passes and ran straight for the front of the stage. I'd like to take this moment to thank Platinum Plus for the wheely chairs. They make life, especially life in the strip club, a lot more fun. At some point all four of us took our turns giving the nice naked stripper girls some dollas. The one I chose told me I was pretty. That's sweet. I swear they are all bi in there. Eh, whatever, that's why I go with boys-- they can save me if necessary. Well if you can believe it, Megan and I ended up giving Matt and Blair their own little lap dances That is so unlike us... I stopped because I didn't really want to get kicked out of the nudey bar for taking away from the strippers. I have been yelled at for doing that before. True story. They don't want you stealing the naked girls' thunder. Especially when their thunder comes in the form of nakedness. Blair and Matt were so belligerant that they really could not see straight. Really. Blair told me. And that's bad news. So poor Megan, the one who doesn't know squat about Greenville is the one driving our drunk asses back to Simpsonville. (There was no way in hell we were driving back to Clemson). We all passed out... apparently... well we assumed that's what happened since we woke up and didn't remember falling asleep. And damnit was I hung over Thursday. Like whoa.
It was worth ever minute of that hang over too. That is the most fun I have had in a really long time. So a big thanks to Megan, Matt and especially Blair for Wild Wild Wings Wednesday fun. Love you people.