Ladies' Night... at the Belle

Due to popular demand, I've decided to recap the happy "hour" that occurred on Tuesday. We had plenty of reasons to celebrate: (1) Jayson was in town, (2) Amanda was leaving town, (3) Jayson and Amanda needed to meet and be friends, (4) Catherine wasn't entirely broke, (5) Laura was in town, (6) it was Tuesday, (7) they serve alcohol at happy hour.

We started off at The Mill (this hole in the wall in North Chuck). Madra Rua was apparently too packed out for all of us to hang out together. Damnit. So we entertained ourselves by ordering basically everything on the menu and feeding dollars to the juke box since the damn place didn't even have a radio… side note: the "feeding dollars" situation came into play later in the evening as well. And we really did eat everything – those little pea pods, a massive plate of nachos, some humus, and quesadillas. Between 4 girls, it was pretty impressive.

Rumor got out that it was Jules' company Christmas party… that just so happened to be at Moe's (Catherine's favorite bar) and it also just so happened to be OPEN BAR! Like 10 of us crashed the party. No one cared. It the spirit of the holidays, I found it to be only right to order "Christmas" to drink (beam and ginger). Mmmm, brought back Clemson memories. But then those memories were forgotten because I insisted on drinking my Christmas out of a 24 oz. glass, or something ridiculous like that. Whatever. We were drunk. And we ate even more food here. Freaking chicken wings. Fuck yeah.

Not surprisingly, the idea of the strip club arose. Come to find out, Laura had never been. Ooooh a virgin. We like those. I actually 411'd Thee Southern Belle to find out what night it was. Fucking Ladies' Night! Girls get in free. Oh, we're so there. We sucked down as many more free drinks as we could stand, tried to convince Catherine that is was completely necessary for her to be there, and then piled into the Celica (minus Catherine). Sad face.

Ladies' night was really freaking entertaining. Probably one of the best nights I've had at the strip club in a while. It ended up being Dave, Jayson, John (Dave's coworker), Laura and me. And of course we sat in the front row. The guys were kind enough to buy me and Laura a dance in the back room. We went into this dressing-room-sized room with a curtain… and a mirror behind our heads. Our little nipple-pierced stripper was kinda lame. I have to say I was disappointed in her stripping abilities. Laura was thankful that I was there to feel awkward with her. Ha.

I soon forgot how lame our back-room girl was, because COOKIE was on stage soon after! She's my favorite. And she loves my boobs. I'm not even gonna lie. She's always really excited to learn that they're real. Yes, we have this conversation every time I go up to the stage to feed her dollars. And yes, sometimes I actually do put the dirty money in my mouth. Whatever. Don't judge me.

So Laura decided she liked this one stripper. Michelle was her name, as I've so learned. Well, Michelle also really liked Laura. Maybe it was because Laura and I had lost half the clothing we came in with… she was down to a teeny spaghetti strap shirt, and my boobs were falling out of my sweater since I had taken off the collared shirt underneath. We're so trashy. So yeah, Laura goes up to the stage for Miss Michelle. And Michelle freaking tears down Laura's shirt, spins her around and throws her onto the stage on her back. She then proceeded to fake-69 with her. I have never witnessed anything like that in all of my strip club years! I think I clapped. Laura sat down and was like "Wow, so you just saw my boobs and I basically just 69ed with a stripper. Awesome." Hellova first time at a strip club, huh Laura??

We continued to go up to the stage and get molested until like 2 AM or something retarded like that... on a Tuesday. Who does that?! We all smelled like strippers so bad when we left the place that we had to ride with all the windows down. That smell just gets in your nose. I mean, its nice, but I really didn't want to smell like strippers at 9:30 AM when I decided to roll into work the next morning.

So we had to pick up some Taco Hell and go home. As Jayson put it: "I planned for a laid back night with friends. Insteead, I ended up downtown. Then I ended up at the shoe show. Then I ended up at the Wendy's late night drive-thru. Then I ended up curled up in the fetal position wondering where my dignity went." I couldn't have said it any better myself. Only difference was that my late night drunk food craving was for tacos. No disgusting pun intended, I swear.

It hurt real bad to wake up the next morning. I didn't get out of bed until almost 8:30… which is usually when I come into the office. Dave hurt so bad he had to sit down in the shower 3 times and then take a bath after that. I don't think I was hung over though, I think I was just still freaking drunk. Dave was. He couldn't close his eyes; if he did, he'd spin. Laura also was still drunk the next morning because she fell down a frickin flight of stairs in her attempt to make hangover breakfast. And as she so perfectly put it, "Now my tailbone is bruised and I can't even attribute it to being molested on stage last night." What a shame.

I passed out as soon as I got home from work yesterday. I woke up to watch the last 10 minutes of freaking Tila Tequila and then went to bed. Strip clubs hurt…

I'm a Wife

I know it's been entirely too long since I actually wrote a blog, but life was kinda nuts for a while with all of the wedding planning, honeymooning and thank you note writing. The wedding really was amazing. And we had a freaking blast at our reception, even if the DJ screwed up "Cononie" and didn't play "Take me home tonight" when we walked into the room. Jackass.

It has been so exciting to hear from our friends and family about how much fun they had and how beautiful the day turned out to be. Having the dessert hour on Friday night after the rehearsal was awesome too because all of our family members got to come together to meet each other – which made everyone more comfortable on Saturday. Oh it was so perfect.

It's way fun to be married to Dave. I have to admit, I don't feel any different. I like that though. And I didn't expect anything to be different since we were already living together. Oh I know, we're such sinners. Pretty much the only things that changed were my last name and the number of rings/diamonds involved. And Dave calls me "wife" instead of "fiance." I win.

I heard that women often end up with post-wedding depression. What the hell. I was pretty relieved to not be planning any more. It got old calling vendors everyday making sure that things were right. And it was difficult because I wasn't one of those girls that planned everything out since I was 4 so I didn't really have some grand vision for how it should be. All I knew was that it needed to be fun and everyone should feel welcome and comfortable. We succeeded – that's exactly what happened.

I guess I'm a little more bored now that I'm not planning. But I'm also less stressed and less spastic. Not depressed though. No way.

I feel like Dave and I can finally enjoy each other. We were constantly back and forth to Greenville so we never had time to just hang out with each other in our new home. And that sucked. It's nice to not have plans on the weekends, and good lord it's wonderful to not drive 400 miles every 7 days.

We've both heard such negative things about marriage (side note: more people have said nice things than mean things, but it's still dumb)– I'm apparently going to morph into some monster bitch that will never want sex again and Dave's going to get fat, mean and boring. What the hell people? Can't you just say "congratulations" and leave us alone? Jesus. Needless to say, I've yet to turn into a psycho and Dave's still pretty fucking hot. I mean, we've lived together for about a year and a half – don't you think we would have noticed by now if the other one was suddenly a completely different person?

Regardless, I really enjoy being a Mrs. And especially a Mrs. Kuhlman. But don't even ask me about babies. I'll be sure to let you know when I start thinking they are less disgusting.

I'm HA-Larious (or maybe just drunk)

i wrote this tonight on my myspace page and i actually laughed at myself. enjoy:

funny side note: a few years ago, i thought my eyes were going bad. so i went to the eye doctor and ended up with glasses. my parents thought i just wanted to be trendy and get super cute glasses. then they tried on my glasses only to realize that, they too, were blind as shit. they were like "crap! we're blind as shit too." good thing i got glasses. otherwise, there'd be a lot of blind cononies without hot frames driving around.
also, on hangover days, i have to drink milk. i can't drink water because it's too thin and reminds me of things like vodka and three wise men shots. milk reminds me of childhood. and i wasn't drunk then.
i wear a hair tie on my left wrist everyday. it has to match my shirt. i never actually pull my hair back though. don't ask question.
oh, also, i very much prefer plastic cups to glass. i break glass. and sometimes i even break plastic, like my pink plastic wine glass i broke in college because i was drunk and slipped on my too-long pajama pants. i ended up on the kitchen floor with a giant ass bruise, literally, ass-bruise, and a broken wine glass that was plastic. i saved my wine though. and i drank it. then i had to drink milk the next day.

Hoooo-raise

So, I just have to celebrate! Today, my boss came into my office, and the dialog was something like this:
Boss: Do you have any manila folders?
Nicole: Well, not manila, but folders.
Boss: Okay, what do you have?
Nicole: Green, Orange and Yellow
Boss: What's your favorite?
Nicole: Mmm... green.
Boss: Give me one.

So I gave him a green folder. He stuffed some papers in it and shoved it in my hands and then turned around and left. I just figured it was nasty HR stuff that I had to send out. I opened it and it is an out-of-cycle merit increase, which in lamens terms means boss man is giving me a raise. A BIG raise! It is so completely wonderful to know how appreciated I am. And that goes for everything - work, life, family, friends. When someone lets me know that they respect me and genuinely appreciate what I do for them, that automatically puts this giagantic cheesball smile on my face.

The next wonderful thing of the day: I trusted this fabulous new friend to highlight my hair - 9 days before my wedding! She is Dave's boss' wife. Her name is Winnie. I thought she was cool as hell anyway, and now to know that she can actually do what I ask with my hair, oh, I'm sold for life! And she fed me wine and white cheddar cheese popcorn. Good day!

I know I never wrote a blog about the bachelorette party, but that's mostly because (a) the pictures pretty much explain the weekend, and (b) there quite possibly may not be words to describe just how much I love Erin, Megan, Emily and Catherine. Megan planned the whole penis-filled weekend. She excelled, just as expected. I love you 4 like my own family. God only know where I'd be without you. I had so much fun that weekend and I truly owe it all to you ladies. Thank you!

Might I add, Dave's weekend wasn't too shabby either. I collaborated with his work buddies and his closest out-of-town buddies to put together a bachelor party for him the same weekend. About 15 of them ended up on some crazy sailboat with 2 stippers that Friday night. Needless to say, not one of them could hang Saturday night. The girls could though... all the while I was laying on bartops having shots poured down my pretty little bride-to-be throat. Hell yeah.

All in all, my life is amazing. I am so lucky and damn I know it. I have this amazing man that I get to call my husband in about a week; my friends care about me so freaking much that I don't even know how to thank them for caring about me that freaking much. Even though the move to Charleston was hard at first, look at me now - I have a killer job and a boss who really does think a lot of me. I must admit, I can't ask for much more. I win

Patters the Seagull

Dave and I went to sit on the beach today because we're actually in town for once. We spent most of the time playing in the water, but we had to get out eventually and dry off so that we could go eat some guacamole at Taco Boy. Well, we sat back in our chairs and there was the group of disheveled seagulls hanging out near us. We noticed one in particular...he was dancing. I'm not even kidding. The bird would stomp his feet as fast as he could and then spin in a circle while bobbing his head and still stomping his little teeny feet. And he was going really fast! It kinda looked like that running-in-place workout stuff that football players do. And he did this nonstop! Other seagulls would fly away or go do something else, like search for sand crabs, or whatever seagulls do, and he just stayed in this little area just stomping around. We named him Patters, like "pitter patter," because that's all his little feet did. You could even hear him stomping around... I have no idea what this bird's problem was but needless to say, he entertained us for the remainder of the afternoon. Crazy seagull.

Are We There Yet?

After reading Catherine's blog, I just realized that I haven't written anything since like July. That's lame. But it also makes sense that I haven't written anything since then because I feel like I have been too busy to enjoy anything enough to write about it. That's not completely true since there have been some really awesome events in the past few months (ex: Jenni's wedding, my bridal shower, Emily's bachelorette party, Megan's bachelorette party, and Emily's wedding) – these things were wonderful, left me exhausted, but wonderful.

In the midst of being this busy, I think I lost myself. All I do is plan the wedding and go to tons of wedding related events. I now understand how brides turn into bridezillas… yes, planning is fun, but it is extremely difficult when we have to travel 400 miles almost every weekend to go finalize this thing or make a decision about that. In the grand scheme of things, who cares how tall my cake is or what kinds of leaves are in my bouquet – think about how ridiculous that is?! But nonetheless, I got sucked into it all because I want everything to be so pretty and wonderful and have a "Nicole touch". I should have focused my attention more on the fact that I am marrying Dave, not how everything is going to look while I'm marrying him…

Ugh.

I had a mini breakdown this week, well, it might have been more than mini… I realize that I have no idea what makes me happy and I have no idea what the hell I want to do with my life. (This statement does not refer to Dave though because he is the only thing that makes sense.) I realize that I do the things that I have to do and I stick to what is routine… this even relates to what station I leave my Sirius radio on… I made myself turn the dumb thing off and put in one of my old Dave Matthew's CDs. I have no idea how long it's been since I chilled to DMB. Made me feel like Nicole again, just a little bit. I did the same thing this morning; I played a Matchbox 20 CD. Some of you might know that I was one of those people completely obsessed with music, especially music that actually had lyrics worth listening to… then, somewhere along the way, I decided I didn't want to listen to anything that made me think, thus the techno phase.

I understand that I haven't figured myself out since I moved away from Clemson. I knew who I was there – I was this maniac bar fanatic who partied like it was her job and all the while maintained a GPA somewhere around a 4.0. No, I don't really know how either… I had my circle of friends that were basically my new adopted family and we spent so much of our time together. I was so freaking happy there! And I was fun. I'm not really fun anymore… and that makes me sad.

When I knew Dave was moving, I knew in my heart that I could not live away from him. I was so in love with him and had wanted to date him for like freaking 2 years so once we finally were together, I didn't want him to leave me. So I went with him – which was great because now we get to marry each other in a month!! But that move broke me, to an extent… I never figured out how to define myself here. And that is something I am still struggling with. And I know its "okay" to not know, but I am sick of not knowing. I've always had some kind of plan and it makes me tear up knowing that when I try to visualize what the hell I am supposed to be doing, I can't see anything. It's blank. Well, it's blank when I try to visualize my career. What is scary and disgusting is that the only thing I can see is me being a mom. Which is so ironic and gross because I hate kids. But that's what I know I will succeed at one day.

I'm ready to get married and stop planning to get married. I just want to be there already and stop anticipating it -- its like some crazy road trip that turned out to be 300 miles too long... It's worn me out. I just want to stay at home with my fiancé for once and hang out. I need things to slow down a little bit so I can actually enjoy myself. And I need to quit being this weird person that I don't even know and just be Nicole again.

House Warming Party

We threw our House Warming party this past Saturday. At first, I was all concerned with how undecorated and unfurniturized the house was... by 4:00 AM Sunday morning, I was glad I hadn't bothered to buy things or seriously decorate considering the place was a sticky, beer smelling mess. Glad we bough super strength carpet cleaner.

I think we had about 30 people over... which equaled out to about 8 cases of beer, 2 bottles of Grey Goose, 1 bottle of Jager and 1 bottle of SoCo. No, I don't understand how we are alive either. Especially after Winnie's shots -- so we all cheers-ed each other and took a huge sip. We all then made the same God-awful face; some of us swallowed the burning liquid, some of us (like myself) simply could not handle it, and spit every last drop back into their shot glass/paper cup. It is extremely possible that I was the only one who did that, however I like to believe I was not.

The night consisted of card games around a tiny table outside, dancing in the kitchen where the kitchen table would have been, eating my fabulous dip off of the coffee table and telling completely assonine drunken stories. Perfection, if you ask me.

So thanks to all who helped break in/break our new home. It was awesome and as soon as I convince Dave to do it all again, we will. Get excited.

Take A Look, It's In A Book....

a Reading Rainbow.

Let me explain:

So Monday night I was having a lot of trouble sleeping. I was flopping around and huffing and puffing, hating the world, basically. At some point, at some ridiculous hour, Dave rolled toward me, completely asleep and sang/spoke these words in the clearest voice possible:

Reading Rainbow.

I cracked up. I didn't bother waking him because it was so completely ridiculous and I just wanted to enjoy it. I did, however, wonder which book/adventure he was having with Lamar/Laavar Burton. (Don't judge me, I forget his name.)

Crazy fiancé and his crazy Reading Rainbow voyages.

Open Bar Birthday Bash

I had the most amazing birthday celebration this weekend! My 24th birthday was last Wednesday, so Dave and I just went to dinner and had a low-key night. The debauchery was to begin Friday night. I was supposed to be at Mad River at 7:30 Friday night -- that's all they told me. I walked in to our little private room to see a slew of fabulous people screaming Happy Birthday at me! There was a humongous cake that could have fed Ethiopia that had blackmailish pictures of me all over it and to wash this cake down, we had 3 hours of freaking OPEN BAR! Let me take this time to thank the one and only Catherine Reid for planning, arranging and organizing this amazing event. Seriously, thank you - no one has ever been so thoughtful or done anything like this/that for me.
As you could imagine, the cake became a face ornament, in that Megan DuPree started another food/beverage fight. She's good at that. Hahah. Needless to say, approximately half of the party ended up with Cake Face. Niiice. Tasty, though. Miss Megan was also responsible for ordering the shots and passing them out... haha. Her response was something like this, "Well, I'm not drinking them, but I'm still damn good at ordering them." And she is - I was buzzed by 8:45.
Jayson delighted me with the funniest freaking birthday gift: the magical Box with a Hole in it for No Good Reason. The hole is actually for penises. Refer to pictures for visual aid.
There was supposed to be a Mystery Guest of the night. I had no idea who to guess, so Catherine surprised me before the Mystery Guest arrived and told me that the MG of the night was none other than DeAnne!! Holy crap, I finally got to meet the girl! Our "club" was complete. We took pictures.
After basically all the under-agers were kicked out or about to be kicked out, we moved on to the Purple Tree. We immediately took over the corner couch and then ran to the bar. I informed our favorite bartender, Jody, that we were celebrating my birthday and then instructed her to create a shot for us. After I ordered the 7th round of Mystery Shot, I asked Jody what the name of it was. She screamed something, but all I could hear was "Alter Ego." And so the birth of the Alter Ego Shot. Mmmm. Red Bull, Vanilla vodka and Peach Schapps. Try it, bitches. You'll love it.
After what should have been $200 dollars worth of Alter Egos, I transformed into stripper mode and insisted on giving everyone lap dances. There are pictures to prove this as well. Damnit. I now understand why the bottom of my foot was bruised... I danced all night, quite possibly on only one foot...
My tab turned out to only be $36. I have no idea how. I love bartender Jody. We moved on to none other than Thee Southern Belle. Duh. I found us some good seats, but then proceded to get unnecessarily angry when I contracted the hiccups. Like I was really mad -- Dave basically smothered me to get rid of them. It worked. We spent the rest of the night informing our friends which strippers were good and which ones we should give our money.
We all woke up with hangovers. Big surprise.
We didn't move until Poe's that night - we had to show everyone the fabulous bloody burgers we so adore. Our waiter was cool - we wanted to be his friend. He chops down trees and shoves them through cat doors when he's drunk. He also buys limos and starts yard fires. He is also fined by the police for these actions on a regular basis.
We laughed all damn night. The entire ride there, brother Michael cracked us up by telling us stories of how he's hurt himself or been hurt over the years. Personal favorite: Michael slammed his own hand into the door of the Big Blue Van we used to own. He began screaming, as slamming one's hand into a large metal object could inflict pain, thus resulting in screaming. Our mother assumed Michael was screaming in fear and began questioning about the "bee." "Michael! Is there a bee? Where's the bee, honey?" No bee, Mom, just Michael's hand rapidly breaking in our massive van door...poor Michael.
The Cononies apparently overdid it Friday night because Michael and I were asleep before 11:30. Losers. Dave wasn't far behind. This sleeping did not sound appealing to Joe, Bill and Catherine, as they ventured back to Thee Belle for the second night in a row. Rumor has it Catherine is detoxing after this weekend. I support and understand this decision.
I realize that I have not included any of the hilarious sayings that were said over the course of our drunkness. Why, you ask? I was too drunk to remember and too drunk to remember to even write the funny shit down. Please post in the comment section any funny shit you need us to remember.
Thank you again to Catherine, Dave, Megan, Joe, DeAnne, Michael, Jayson, Liz, Noel, (Shawn and Elisabeth for trying) and any other maniac drunks that were part of this weekend. My friends kick bee ass. Love you, you sluts.

Thank You, Friends!

i will write a big awesomely hilarious blog in a few hours, but first i just have to rattle off a few thank yous:

1. catherine -- thank you SO much for planning such an awesome birthday party for me. open bar? how awesome are you, seriously. no one has ever done something so very thoughtful. you are a wonderful friend -- i am so lucky.
2. david -- thank you for managing to keep all this a secret! i love you and i am so blessed to spend the rest of my life with you.
3. megan -- thank you for being here and helping plan this weekend. and especially thanks for providing the blackmailing photography that was posted all over my delicious cake. ha. i love you, girl.
4. joe -- every weekend is always better when you are with me. the end.
5. michael -- i seriously think that everyone gained ab muscles this weekend. thanks for always cracking us up and being the life of the party. i have one cool ass brother.
6. jayson -- your birthday present was the funniest damn thing ever, hands down. thanks for always being so much fun.
7. deanne -- thank you for coming to charleston! it was a complete surprise and i am so glad that we finally got to meet each other!! you and liz are so much fun and i cannot wait to play with you guys again really soon. i think it's so awesome that you, catherine and i have such a crazy little bond. you're awesome, girl.
8. bill -- you were a huge surprise this weekend, too! thank you for always being so supportive of dave and me and for just being such a freaking great guy. we're lucky to have you around.

i love you people. i have great friends. thank you! thank you! thank you! fun blog to come soon! mwah!

I Want to Keep the Tomatoes


This weekend began on Thursday night around 8:15 for me. Catherine the Great came to play! I hadn't seen the girl in months, so we had a lot of catching up to do, that's for damn sure! We finally got to exchange Christmas presents, too. She gave us these awesome flutes and tumblers and some fab champagne, and some chocolate annnd some sweet Britney Spears lip gloss/perfume (haha). We made mac and cheese and sat on the floor and talked our heads off for like 8 hours. Seriously, we got through the entire bottle of Pink champagne and the entire bottle of Chablis. Which I particulary enjoy pronouncing exactly as it is spelled: Chab-lis. Bahaha. So, by 4 AM we were wasted and giggly.
Friday night meant that Joe and Michael were gonna be in town for the weekend. They arrived around 8:00ish and we cracked some beers and ordered pizza. Niiice. Megan brought over her newest purchase, Carter the Kitty. He's a little puffball - so cute. Tucker hates him... likely story. Tucker hates everything. So we ended up having a mini party that ended after 50+ beers, 50+ jello shots and a good 5 rounds of Snider surprises. Joe, Michael, Dave, Catherine, Snider and Jayson and myself ended up playing round after round of random card games or What the Fuck. Throughout the night, many HA-larious things were said, which of course meant that I kept a running log of the nonsense. Here's the list of shit we came up with Friday night: I will attempt to explain some of the ones that will not get me into trouble. Bahaha.
Things that were said this weekend that were funny as shit and in no particular order:
1. I have strong patella *Michael Snider said this after it sounded like his kneecaps exploded while he was trying to stand up to go create more shots for us.
2. Smells like birthday *Snider said this after we blew out the candles
3. I want to keep the tomatoes *Joe was telling a story about one night where he was completely out of his mind drunk. He found himself in DuPree's bed (this is when we were all still living in Clemson). We were all headed downtown and decided to leave Joe there since he was content chasing the goldfish that he swore were swimming around the air around his head. Megan did not want Joe to barf all over his bed... so she apparently handed him a strainer. WHAT? I think at this point in the story Dave or my brother chimed in and said "I want to keep the tomatoes." Implying that when Joe lost his shit, all the liquidy parts could strain through and the chunks could be salvaged. Okay that makes me want to vomit after typing such filth...
4. I'm swinging around like Babe Ruth *Jayson said this as he was demonstrating just how passionate he was about knocking all the shit out of the pinata that they had at some crazy party. The contents were well worth swinging around like Babe Ruth as they were mini bottles and cigs. College...
5. Magic trick: if I guess your card, you drink four *Snider wanted to do a magic trick for Dave, however the stipulation was that if Snider could correctly remember how to do his sweet trick in his drunken state, Dave would have to take 4 swigs of something
6. Jamaican Jump = Sexy Leap... I don't know *I have no idea who said this or in what terms it was said. If anyone does know, please enlighten us.
7. I would do myself for free *In the midst of playing WTF, there was some question about having sex with yourself for money. My brother kindly informed us that he'd be more than happy to sex himself up for free.
8. Bonnet or diaper... either way, I'd look like Zach *Our beloved friend Zach Deegan aka 40 Friend, was dressed as Dorothy for Halloween... anyway, we were still playing WTF and Snider had some question about what he'd rather wear in public, a bonnet or a diaper. His response, "Either way, I'd look like Zach." To give an even better image of Zach, during his freshman year on the hall, he decided to run around with an air horn, in teeny tiger print boxers with a picture of a tiger face taped to face. The tiger face he found in like, fucking National Geographic, so he tore out the entire page, cut out eye holes and taped the whole page to his face... and ran around. This, my friends, is the epitome of Zachary Deegan. You should get to know him
9. Who the fuck wants to live in a fruit? *Michael, my bro, got a question that said "would you rather live in a giant shoe or a peach?" He was disgusted when most of us answered "fruit" and thus made this statement.
10. I'm drunk. Oh wait, you're alive? *Joe noted that he was drunk. David chimed in with "What? Oh wait... you're alive" Implying that Joe is always drunk. Which is 90% true. And cool, in my fucking book. And this is my book, so it's cool. There.
11. Holla holla holla holla holla holla let me holla at ya let me holla at ya holla holla holla *My brother said this every fucking 2 minutes all weekend.
12. Not a rendezvous.. a ron-de-don't *I don't know why I said this but I did
13. Tastes like... middle school girls *This was actually said Saturday night by Noel, Jayson's brother, in regards to the shot that I created. It was awful.
14. YOU RUINED MY LIFE * I said this because I am a life ruiner... hahaha
So that concludes Friday night... at 6 AM none the less... Saturday night, we went to Banana Cabana to see Catherine. This time it was Dave, Michael, Joe, Jayson, Noel, Amy and myself. Dinner was the bomb. Jayson brought the Wii over, so we played that magical device until we were satisfied with our level of intoxication. Then we went downtown to Sketch Central -- Tonik. It was 18 and up, so my bro could get in... well we were loud and obnoxious and wasted and it was fabulous. Please go enjoy the pictures. Oh wait, Catherine and I did get booed off stage. Yeah, I don't know either. Who boos ME off a stage? No one in their right mind... he was probably gay. Ha. Also, I, oh man this makes me laugh -- Joe was completely harassed all over that bar. First, he went to grab a drink and some non-English speaking, foreign looking girl asked him if he had a girlfriend. He said that he was just at the bar with his friends. So she asked him to the strip club and said it something like this (please use your best Asianish girl voice to say this) "Oh, you no girlfriend? Want to go strip club wit me?" Joe was like "Ummmm, I gotta go." Whereupon he might have ended up in the bathroom, only to get berated by Drill Sergent Drunk in there. Joe is just trying to pee when (in your best loud military scary man voice read this)... "HEY! Have you thought about your future? Do you want to defend our country?! Well you should enlist as a soldier in our military!" I think Joe put his head down and quickly walked out, but not too quickly because if you walk too quickly in Tonik, you will fall down on your ass and get the Hepatitis. That floor was fucking grody. Like, Joe could do a Jig without picking his heals up... seriously Joe, how do always seem to attract the R-tards? Must be your nuclei force. Must be...
Oh yeah, we also felt it necessary to bring the Taboo buzzer along with us. This way when anyone said anything dumb/unacceptable/or just something buzz-worthy, we buzzed. Because that's how we roll.
Sunday we all wallowed around. Catherine panicked because we made her late for work. Sorry, dear. And I took 4 naps. It was wonderful. We really do need to have more weekends like that. I love being drunk for days with good company. Makes life incredibly enjoyable. So keep your calendars open for the first weekend in March... we might be planning a party. Get ready, bitches.

Vertigo and Board Games

There are a few extremely random facts that I would enjoy sharing. They really don't correlate to one another, so do not attempt to find a secret message or any sort of pattern..

1. My current favorite song is "Crazy Bitch" by Buck Cherry. Expect it to be my default song in the next 48 hours. Sorry Madonna.
2. Sunday night, Dave and I went over to our friends' house - Andy and Brooke - and we had dinner and decided to play board games. 6 bottles of wine, two bags of popcorn, two bowls of ice cream and 6 hours later we had completed one game of Clue and were working on our first game of Risk. We called it quits at approximately 1:00 AM whereupon we agreed that Dave or Andy would have won, but it would have taken a few good hours to kick my ass out of Australia. Dave and I then went to McDonald's and ordered too much food. Dave was still chewing when he passed out. When I tried to wake him, he mumbled something about Quebec. I can only assume he was dreaming about how to defend the country in the game of Risk.

3. On top of dreams of Quebec, Dave also has been experiencing some weirdness with his ears -- he can't pop/unpop them. As some of you may know, this can really fuck with your equilibrium... which is exactly what it did to Dave. So poor Dave was all wobbly on Monday - like so wobbly that he couldn't look at a computer, see straight or walk correctly. I took him to the doctor where he was poked in the ear with some device that almost made him puke. Luckily, Dave is not as wobbly today and could drive himself to work. He had a mild bout of vertigo. My poor mom has also experienced vertigo, however hers was so crazy severe that when she laid down in bed, she'd have to keep one foot on the floor so she wouldn't spin as much. I mean, damn, I'd at least want to be spinning because I had one too many Mind Erasers or Black and Blues, not because my ear fluid was being tsunami-like.
4. I am on a chopsticks kick. I want to eat everything with them. I might try eating popcorn with them next.
Okay, that's all I really wanted to share. Oh, in super fabulous news: Joe and my brother are coming to town Friday night. Expect great things, my friends.

This is Fun

Thus far, 2007 has been extremely drunk. To start off the New Year, my company had a Christmas party that cost us over $600 and ended the night at the strip club in the back room with Cookie purring in my ear. Two nights later was New Year's Eve, where David was unaware that 2 hours had passed by after midnight and he thought that we still had not seen the ball drop. I guess that's one way to ring in the new year -- not even realize you rang the damn thing in.
I guess now the goal is to upstage every weekend in 2007. So far, that plan is working beautifully. This past weekend, Billy and Elliott came down from NC to celebrate Billy's birthday. Shawn and Elisabeth also came down from Clemson to come play with us. We had one full house, that's for sure. The weekend officially started at about 3:00 AM Wednesday morning when Bill and Elliott arrived. It took Billy all of 4 minutes before he opened the refrigerator to find 48 glorious jello shots before him. I think he sucked down 6 right then and there.

Thursday night the four of us went to dinner and then to Gene's for $70 worth of Amstel Lite and table shuffle board. We met up with Amy (my fabulously awesome work buddy) and her friends, Chris Jones and Emily. And yes, you have to call him Chris Jones. Don't ask questions. I guess you could consider the night a success based on the mere fact that both Billy and I puked. I mean, we obviously had our fair share of fucking jello and other miscellaneous shots and drinks. Man, I hate puking though. I guess I will strive for the pukeless year in 2008 since I already blew it one week into 2007. Oops.
Friday night, Shawn and Elisabeth joined the debauchery. We took everyone out to Poe's for delicious burgers. It was awesome to go back there since that was were Dave and I ate our last dinner as just a couple and not an engaged couple. Aww. We decided to take it easy Friday night since Thursday almost killed us. Well, it at least put a dent in our funds. So we invited Amy and company back over and also Miss DuPree for some board games and beer. We spent hours playing card games, Cranium and What the Fuck. And really, I am not sure the last time we all laughed quite so hard. For those of you that remember, WTF was a game that I received at the Esso Christmas party last year, and it also happened to be the game that Chris Jones brought over. I cracked up that someone else also owned this fabulously tacky/trashy/raunchy game. The questions consisted of hypotheticals such as: would you pull out all your teeth for one million dollars? Or which would you rather hang from your Xmas tree: live mice or used tampons? We finished off the night with Jackass the movie. Did I mention we turned this into a Pajama Party? Well we did. We all managed to overstuff ourselves at dinner and came home and immediately shed ourselves of jeans and cute tops and settled for velour pants and oversized college and/or suggestive t-shirts. I opted to not wear the Jager tshirt, as I have a tendency to vomit while sporting the damn thing... ironically, I wore it Thursday night to bed...
Saturday we went downtown to wander around and attempt to rid ourselves of some of the fat we packed on this weekend thus far. I'm not sure what exactly provoked it, but everyone was so EMO. It turned into a running joke... Billy was listening to his ipod and walking around -- yep, we deemed him EMO. I wore black nail polish -- so EMO. Dave had road rage - totally EMO. Elliott wore all black -- fucking EMO. It didn't matter what the hell you were doing, you were emo. And that's final. We went to dinner at Bubba Gump's then came back, got pretty and called our cabs. Hell yeah, no one has to be DD if they don't want to be! Genius idea. Luckily Shawn brought half of his closet and was able to dress both Billy and Elliott since they both only brought their emo wardrobes. Shawn brought his pretty princess clothes, so all was well. Elisabeth and I got to rock out our hottie headbands that we bought at the market earlier that day. Oh we were cuties, let me tell ya.

So we took our cab (and Amy's car) to Purple Tree. Duh. Everyone had an awesome time. From what I gathered, everyone loved the Tree. I'm glad. I really wanted to show all of our wonderful out-of-towners a bombass time. Seems like the mission was accomplished. Once the "Mondays" took over the club and we could no longer breathe, we decided it might be time to head to Thee Southern Belle. This was after I was sure to give Dave an amazing lap dance in attempt to show the rest of our friends what the strippers were going to do to all of us. Little did I know that I would be the only one receiving the type of attention from strippers that I just gave to David...
So we pile in the fucking taxi van. Oh yes, van. And we get to blare Bon Jovi "Living on a Prayer" and scream to one another the whole way there. Well, Dave didn't scream, he instead counted how many railroad tracks we had to pass before we got to the nudey bar. It's 3, by the way. Just in case we ever need to go again, or something. Lucky us, we came to the Belle the same night as Miss Pussy Polaroid came too! Seriously. Not even kidding. This crazy bitch got up there, and for $10, you could sit in the chair while she either did a handstand with her goodies in your face, perched on your shoulder like a fucking parrot, or grinded on you completely ass naked. And then you got to keep the picture! WTF. Who does that? Well, apparently Billy decided to partake in the insanity. We were sure to post the obscene photo on the fridge when we got home. Holy God... So the remainder of the night was spent with small clusters of us crowding the stage in hopes of getting to motor boat the naked girls. Okay, well that's what the boys wanted... instead, it turned out that all the girls were in love with me. Seriously, one stripper took my entire boob out and gave the place a show, 3 more put my face in their boobies and shook me around ( I was dizzy a few times), and about 2 more girls put my boobs in their face. Good.God. Once we realized that I was favored by the girls, all the boys would come up with me because we knew that we could get her to come to our side of the stage... needless to say, everything smelled like strippers for about 30 hours after we left.
I think we made it home by 5:00 AM. We spent the next morning cracking up and retelling all the details that we could each remember. Between the 8 of us, we could collect all the events of the evening. Now it's Tuesday and I am still trying to recover from the absolute out-of-controllness that was this weekend. Thanks for a fucking awesome time, guys.