Water Water, Everywhere

so i almost busted my ass in the kitchen on a huge puddle of water. wtf? yeah. i actually said that. apparently our awesome washing machine has decided to throw up all over the kitchen. maybe my kitchen is just preparing itself for the frickin hurricane that is coming to charleston. it's like night of the water war all over again, except this time there are no humans with pots of water running around, just the aftermath that was left on the floor is here (which is a lot less fun than pots of water to throw, by the way). the citadel already cancelled classes for thursday because of it. and dave and i just realized that our apartment complex is in one the mother effing flood zone areas.
but back to the washing machine issue...i'm here by myself all day. with tucker. which means all i have to deal with today is a flooded kitchen and gigantic bugs that tucker brings inside. i mean, all i wanted to do was be a sweet, domestic little house wife, apparently though, that is too much to ask.
and that was going to be my life's backup plan. shit.

oh yeah, and my cure for the flooded kitchen comes in the form of a giant pink towel... to soak up the water... which i fully intend to leave in that exact spot until dave gets home to fix it.

The Attack Cat

um, tucker just came in from the porch with these two monster wings dangling from his jaw. and he took the beastly bug back to his food bowls. and now all i hear is bzzzz bzz bzzzz bzz bzbz bzz because i assume that he has released the bug from his mouth and is now smacking him furiously into the wall. i am afraid to go look... based on the loudness of the bug wings, i would venture to say he is large and pissed off.
oh wait, tucker just brought him to me. my theories were correct. he is large, pissed off and quite frightening. i have to leave the room now for fear that i might die if the thing actually takes flight.

Salami Sandwiches & Speed Boats

who else is sick of driving, raise your hand? good lord, i feel like i live in the car! blah. dave and i went to waynesville this weekend, which is only a 4 hour drive, but i've been doing 4 hour drives all summer, so they make me want to puke now. well actually the drive was a little longer because we had to stop at denny's. i mean we HAD to... it's denny's and we love it. and its so ridiculous because it's not like either of us is just going for the sake of the other; we both are seriously obsessed with denny's pancakes. that how we know we are meant to be: our extreme passion for everything denny's. the day i figure out how to order country fried steak and apple pancakes will be the most glorious day. (no catherine, it's no biscuitville, but i mean, it's frickin denny's and you gotta love that.)
so i got to meet a lot of dave's family (finally). i mean, it's been a year, i suppose i should know who these people are. apparently there was a big rumor going around that dave was going to propose to me saturday, so we were all sitting around the kitchen table and everyone was just kinda staring at us... waiting. nothing happened. dave was like "yeah, let me finish eating my salami and cheese sandwich real quick then i'll get on my knee... not exactly the perfect place to propose." ha, thanks babe. the idea did cross my mind though. it made my hands sweat.
so i got the shit beat out of me on the lake sunday. it was sweet. jeff (dave's dad) pulled me on the "Y" which is like a big tube, but instead its in the shape of a "Y" and it goes by the name of "Y-not." well y-not threw my ass off twice. well, actually i guess it was jeff's doing... anyway, i thought i was going to semi drowned one time because i went under water and i didn't really understand where i was or what just happened. and my arms almost got pulled out of their sockets. you know when the driver decides to take the boat in a circle and it throws you to the side of the wake and makes you bounce like 5 feet in the air? well, yeah, that happened and i was trying to be a hardass and hang on. or maybe i was just too scared to let go. needless to say, i was thrown and went under water and got a ton of it up my nose. i was seriously disoriented when i came to the surface. and being the stubborn ass that i am... i got back on and did it all again. this time though, i was able to hold on when jeff tried to throw me off, it wasn't until y-not decided to fucking flip over that i fell off. i was pissed that i made it that far and then just all of a sudden got flipped over. wtf. and i got some serious wind/sun burn. so now i look super sexy. ha.
so yay for dave's family, salami sandwiches, and speed boats. super good weekend.

People Change

i feel like i've grown up a lot in the past year or two, and for a few good reason. i graduated college, began grad school, got serious with dave and moved in with him, and just stopped acting like i was still 21. i feel like most of my friends have grown up the way i have, also. it's hard to explain, but it seems that the love and respect we have for each other has grown too - especially the respect.
i guess i'm just at a point where i realize that some people aren't going to change. they will continue to use me and walk all over me and just expect me to be there whenever needed. and that smells like bullshit, if you ask me. i think i am a really genuine person and a very good friend. hell, i know i am. and it's not fair to feel like some people abuse that. yeah it's true that i don't hold grudges and i will always give second, third... ninth chances, but that doesn't mean that you should allow yourself to let me give you that ninth chance, you know? i'm sick of it.
it's sad because i know i've grown apart from people that i used to be really close with. or at least i feel differently about them, mostly for the reasons i listed above just about feeling walked all over. and another thing that totally pisses me off is to hear that someone is "only friends with dave for nicole's sake." really? what the fuck? you know, if you don't like him, or can't even try to like him and you are supposed to be one of my closest friends, then fuck you. i'm going to marry this man and if all you have to say is negative things about him, then either don't be friends with us anymore, or get over it. because i'm not just nicole anymore, i come with dave now. we're a couple and we are always going to be. do not insult either of us.
i realize this is one of the angriest blogs i've written, but i feel too strongly to not write about it. it's shitty to know that i always gave someone the benefit of the doubt, even when other people would speak poorly, and in return, i get belittled. i end up feeling like shit by someone whom i've stuck up for time and time again. and what do i get out of it? looking at it, it seems like things just changed, i guess. or maybe i just see things for what they really are finally... i'm sad and hurt and angry. i was a good friend.

Sleep Conversations

i want to share with you the conversation dave and i had at some point in the middle of last night:

nic: you have to reach higher!
dave: why? what?
nic: i shouldn't have to explain it to you. [sigh] you should know.
dave: what do you need me to reach for.
nic: i cannot believe you are asking me this! if you don't know then i'm not telling you!
dave: nic, i don't know what you want.
nic: if you don't know by now then just forget it.
dave: nicole, what are you talking about?
nic: what? damnit. i think i am asleep.
dave: you asked me to reach higher, what for?
nic: lives.
dave: what? lives?
nic: for mario.
dave: bursting into laughter
nic: don't touch me i'm hot!
dave: okay.
nic: sorry, i guess i was talking in my sleep. don't touch me.
dave: um, okay? goodnight?
nic: grunt.

needless to say, i have no idea what was actually going on in my dream or what provoked me to freak out in my sleep. dave and i did, however, play mario 3 for hours on end last night, which may account for my need for more "lives" if you will. wtf

i don't think you can actually title what happened this weekend

and for my next trick... i will attempt to recreate this past weekend using as many descriptive words as possible. prepare yourself. this is going to be a ride. a really twirly, messy, drunk ass ride.
joe long paid charleston a visit thursday night whereupon it was only natural to get wasted. dave and i hosted a mini pregame party that included joe, candle, opie, jayson, megan and our new friend keenan. we pounded our way through half a bottle of jager, one and a half bottles of champagne and god only knows how much evan williams and beer. all before 10:30.
opie hauled our asses downtown. jayson hauled joe with him. ah, long lost jayson. what a nice addition to the debauchery. we got the sweet corner booth in purple tree. and then we were approached by a large camera with a bearded man behind it asking to take pictures of our cool as group of friends. by the way we were posing and screaming and cheesing, you would think that we had never been in front of a freakin camera before. so now we are plastered all over some website somewhere *no pun intended. great. actually, that's not really surprising.

after this, everything got hazy and for the sake of pride, i will leave names out of the following situations that took place: someone got insanely drunk/sick and i played puke fairy (how many times is that, 502, now? ugh) for a good hour or so while i held others hostage for moral support; there was crying mostly on my behalf because i was afraid that i too would get pukey, mostly from being around all the pukey, and i'm a real wimp when it comes to everything pukish; a dude slapped another dude in the face; two people almost got arrested... one of which got thrown slightly through a window, well actually this person's elbow was thrown through a window; clothing was lost; bartabs for each person were over $50; there was a dance off (well, okay, it was a pretend dance off from the nic and joe show. but i mean, i thought it was funny as hell); a noise violation was acquired; somehow a candle exploded in my living room,where i ended up spending about an hour with a roll of papertowels and an iron steaming the wax off my effing glass table; a cab driver was forced to listen to someone's life story (that was my fault, i needed a counselor of my own by the end of the night). and keep in mind all of this occurred between the people mentioned above plus one more person...
which brings me to the most exciting point of this entire blog: I MET CATHERINE! As many many of you know, catherine and I both dated the same doof from columbia who stands about 7 feet tall and has the ability to make a human feel about 7 inches tall. her a i have been "online" friends (how cheesy) for the past 2 years. and i mean, i really thought she was the shit but i was afraid i'd never have the opportunity to actually meet her in person. low and behold, my ass is standing at the bar at purple tree trying to order some maniac shot when i hear "niiicooolllee!" and it was catherine! we hugged each other like we were long lost elementary school pals. which is what she really does feel like because we've been "friends" for so long. the night turned into a whirlwind of applebombs, buttery nipples, and some red fruity shots. seriously, this girl is so awesome. we ended up kidnapping her... well actually she came with us willingly back to our apartment. we remained drunk and out of control until the wee hours. so we all woke up friday feeling like death's cousin. joe came to the rescue and ordered some fucking fantastic breakfast burritos from sonic. heaven. pure sweet heaven wrapped up in a soggy tortilla. i ate two. it was glorious.
we basically did the same thing again the next night, minus purple tree. i personally temporarily banned us from the bar due to our actions the night before. catherine, jayson, candle and opie came back over to entertain joe, dave and myself. i seriously love these people. we pounded through some evan and i was half cross eyed by the time catherine got there...and she didn't come empty handed. she came bearing gifts... from satan himself...[insert doom music here] she brought motherfucking tequila. ewwww. um, needless to say i was the puker that night. but i bounced back like a damn champ and came back to party after i got done caressing the toilet. gross. my drink of choice was water after that. i can't really tell you anymore of like what was said or what was funny because you know, honestly, i was just that drunk.
when i woke up, i opened the door to find the boobah standing there. dave and i cracked the hell up and the proceeded to pirch the demon in front of joe's door because well, duh, he put it in front of ours. then my phone jingles, i dance a little, and then i read my jingly little message. it's from catherine. she had woken up about 3 minutes after she was supposed to be at work and when she got in her car to speed home, she ran into a detour: tequila. she, too, had to puke. only her experience was worse, because instead of a toilet, she had a side of road to comfort her. i laughed. then i felt bad, but then i laughed again when she told me that she laughed too. bad tequila, bad!
so what is it now, saturday night? yes, yes it is. do you know what we did on this night? oh it was fabulous... we willingly went to participate in the viewing of motherfucking snakes on a motherfucking plane. there is only one word for this movie: ridiculous. the entire 2 hour experience was all worth it when mr. samuel l. said those infamous words: i'm tired of these mother fucking snakes on this motherfucking plane! the whole place cracked up. some even clapped. i think i was a clapper. ass-o-nine. we came back and drank more. i don't really know how. dave and i wussed out around 2:30 and the rockstars catherine and joe devised a brilliant plan to throw water balloons at hookers. but they ran into two problems: they could not find water balloons and they could also not find hookers. so apparently they spend the night on a curb at the battery swigging champage. can someone get them a trophy or something? jesus.
we pigged out on greasy, wonderful baroni's italian heaven the next morning thanks to catherine. well, by "morning" i mean like 2:00 pm, but that's neither here nor there.
i can honestly say that this was one of the funniest weekends of the year. i had such a shitty summer and i really needed to be with friends this weekend. and now that i have catherine to add to my bomb ass friend list, not only is my year better, my life is better. woo! so thank all of you for a freakin good ass weekend. and extra thank yous to candle and catherine for letting me cry a lot this weekend. both of you were so wonderful, and i really needed to be surrounded by good people, so thanks.
so yeah, my friends are the shit. and we're awesome. can we do it again? real soon? love the hell out of you guys.

A Mini Hair Horror

okay i attempted to highlight my hair a few hours ago. i wanted to put in this reddish color because i thought it would add to the nikkita look. yeah right. instead i came out with these chunks of blonde/copper/brassy gnarley looking pieces of crap. holy.shit. i was freaking out. so i ran to target with my hair soaking wet, no makeup and shorts and a tshirt. when i got there i realized i had forgotten to put on underwear. whatever. i was in and out of that bitch with some dark brown hair color in 6 minutes. seriously. i sped home and i am now currently waiting for the 25 minutes it takes to undo my stupid idea. i just hope my hair doesn't fall out. and because i did this little craft in a fit of hurry, i am now covered with these blackish splotches on my arms, neck and stomach, too actually. i managed to rip my shirt off before dying my hair because it's always a real pain in the ass to have a mound of hair dye solution in a pile on top of my head and then try to remove a shirt without getting the shit on it. damnit. so, now it's time to go wash it out. cross your effing fingers. i really don't want to look like a dumbass tonight.

Nothing Comforting or "Suite" Here

because i am such a good girlfriend, i went with dave to lexington, north carolina this past weekend so he could take an emt refresher course. i was there for moral support and entertainment. he booked a room at the comfort suites for like $93 a night. this would lead most people to believe you will be staying in a decent hotel. well, sike. this place was grunge city. we got there around midnight thursday night and we parked the car. of course we just happened to pick the parking spot right in front of the room with the half naked obese man standing in the doorway watching us while scratching his fat hairy belly. eww. wtf. dave's like "um, go to the room and i'll come back later." so we went up the stairs. luckily our "suite" was on an inside hallway. we have issues with doors that open straight to the outside. we're prissy, whatever.
so we get on our hallway, and it smells like indian people and clorox. we get to our room, open the door, and again are completely smacked in the face with that inviting scent. and it felt musky. grooooss. i seriously avoided touching the floor at all costs. i refused to sit on the comforter and would only sit on the sheets if i had to. the little table was dingy and there was no way in hell i was sitting my pretty ass on the couch. and i really do think they had a video camera above the shower in the bathroom. i was completed creeped out. then i got to sit there all day by myself friday while dave was in class. ugh. i had planned to go work out at the gym or lay by the pool, but you know, based on who we were greeted by thursday night...i chose life. i only got up to look out the peephole twice. you know, just to make sure or whatever.
i refused to sit in the room on saturday and since check out time was 11 and dave wouldn't be done until later than that, there was no way i was going to just hang out in the lobby or something by myself. no effing way. so i came to emt class and played tetris on dave's phone for about 5 hours. we got there at 8:30 and we had to sit there until 1:00 so everyone could do their little hands on tests. omg, people are dumb, by the way. i mean, the accents that these bitches had was unreal. hick as shit. and so annoying. kinda makes me worry that it will be these people who pick my ass up in the ambulance the day i crack my skull or something. not real comforting. kinda like the hotel... not comforting at all.
so dave got an a because he's smart and we finally got to leave skeezeville. yuck. so my advice to you is this: do not go to lexington, nc. all you will find is sketchy hotels, a duracell battery factory and a restaurant called biscuitville.

The Un-Tooth Fairy

i went to the dentist today. it was miserable. it's actually still miserable. i had to get about 8 shots in my mouth so they could numb me so that they could replace my old ugly silver fillings, give me new ones, seal some of my groovy (not groovy as is austin powers, groovy as in too many grooves) teeth and even fill a cavity (which i was extremely embarrassed about). i went in at 11, got done at 1. it is now 4 and i am still numb. i tried to drink some milk and drooled on my arm. i also have tried to talk to dave a few times and certain words, such as "teeth" come out sounding like "teetsch" i've developed a temporary lisp so it seems... serves me right, since i always make fun of lispschs. whatever, this shit hurts. someone really needs to bring me a milkshake. even though i probably cant eat it because my mouth wouldnt know what to do with a straw because it cant feel itself... so bring me a spoon too. gah.

Ants, Eagles & Alcohol

we had this massive family reunion at the beach last week. my mom's side of the family, minus her alcoholic brother and 98 year old grandmother all made it down from deleware or raleigh to carolina beach, north carolina. we stayed in this friggin mansion of a place called skipper's crew. even clicking on the link doesn't really do it justice... but needless to say, it was the mother effing bomb.
so dave and i drove up there tuesday night when i got out of class. which meant we were driving in the middle of the damn night. we began our 4.5 hour/310 mile journey at 10:30 pm. idiots. i drove. well everything was cool or whatever until we get on this road named "74" or "76" it was both. whatever. probably because it was uber sketchy. first, we were the only car on the road. period. and it was all foggy and creepy as shit. and dark. we thought we might run over wombats. don't ask. so we pass this huge field filled with life-size figurines of like yogi bear and betty boop. what? i mean, are they serious? two questions came to mind: (1) who the fuck lives out here to put this shit here and (2) who would drive all the way the fuck out here to purchase this shit? wtf. i almost ran off the road. seriously. so weird.
next, a few miles up, we pass the only house on the road that is across the street from the only towing company. the house had a minimun of 20 cars parked in front. you know those canibals throw down spike strips, or as i referred to them - spokes - and made cars like me wreck and then then capture the passengers, kill them, eat their brains and keep their damn cars. crazy bastards. and they use the tow truck in case there is a struggle of sorts. you know it's true. go watch the hills have eyes or wolf creek. it happens, man.
then we passed the strip club a few miles after that. a little puple shack that said something like "wanda's exotic dancing." well, apparently wanda was allowing illegal sex acts and drug participation to occur with her customers and exotic dancers because we saw the little purple hut later that week on the local news being raided by the cops. they took those hookers to jail. crazy hookers.
and a few miles after that we thought we were possibly being attacked. there was this flashing strobe-like light flashing so brightly that i thought it might be god. or a ufo. unfortunately, it was nothing that interesting, just some skeezy antenna with a strobe light affixed to the top. i nearly ran off the road again. i thought it was jesus, man. you'd run off the road too. then i thought it might be the the crazy canibals and got all flustered and i had to turn the air up because i started sweating. and we still had a good two hours to go...
lucky for us, nothing else creepy happened and we were soon done with the road from hell. for entertainment purposes, we chose to speak like pee wee herman and scream nonsense such as "giant underpants!" it never got old. mostly because we were delirious.
we finally got to the house at 3:00 am. whereupon we had to take the motherfucking elevator to our floor. that's how sweet this place was... we had an elevator. be jealous. and as the elevator doors opened for the first time, i was greeted by the sweet sweet saying of "its five o'clock somewhere" in what appeared to be my handwriting on some cute little artsy fartsy sign. foreshadowing at it's finest.
we were awaken the next morning to aunt barbie and aunt janice staring at dave and i saying "oooh he's cute." poor dave. i warned him though. he knew the murphy side was nuts. dave slept most of the day, i got sunburnt and rode some gnarley waves on my boogie board. when i came in later, famished and crispy, dad informed me that my car had been attacked. by mother fucking ants. oh hell no. apparently dave left a tasty coke can in the car and the bastards found it. all 8 billion of them. seriously, every single ant that was at carolina beach was on my car that day. gross. we eventually bought ant killer and sprayed the bitches to death. now everytime i get in my car i get a little high from the lingering fumes. again, gross. and there are little dead ant bodies on my dash and console because i have yet to vacuum. gross.
that night, we got waaaaasted. my cousin david went to pick up his way awesome girlfriend, loren, from the airport that night and they were supposed to be back around 9:00. well the doorbell rang around 9:00, so me, my dave and michael got on the elevator with our whiskey and rode the bitch down. however, it was not david and loren to greet us. it was this poor confused delivery girl. we invited her to ride the elevator with us to find out who ordered food. someone on the first floor did. so at least she came to the right house. i know she thought we were insane. i mean, we were, we were all sunburned and drunk. and we had a stool in the elevator incase anyone got too drunk and had to sit down while riding. dave took advantage of this.

loren and david finally arrived. and we continued our drunkfest. we were supposed to not cuss because my little cousin david (yes, another one -- there were 4 daves total this week) was on the couch next to us in the kitchen. that kid heard every word under the sun that night. and we'd always sssssshhh each other after we said 'fuck' or something, which only exaggerated the fact that we said fuck. eh well. at least he won't be naive...
so at some random moment, david the big cousin got on the elevator. when the elevator came back up, it was empty. it completely baffled us that no one was there... remember, we were really drunk and apparently forgot to remember that there were two other floors in which david could have gone on. whatever. so loren and i get on the elevator. i pull the stool over because i know i am way too wasted to actually stand while riding this machine. we go down to the first floor where some of the cousins and aunts are... i peek my head out of the doors and i'm basically cracking up and loren tells me in the loud drunk whisper to "be quiet and they won't see me" what? does that even make sense. either way, we didn't speak to anyone that saw us and just shut the doors and went back upstairs. david eventually returned from his adventure.
later, i wanted to suggest that we send things to different floors via the elevator. you'd think we'd never seen a damned elevator the way we wanted to play with it. so okay, there was this gigantic silver statue in the corned of the cute blue and yellow beachy living room... of a mother effing bald eagle. really? wtf. this thing had a wing span the legnth of at least one of my arms and had to weigh at least 695 pounds. an estimate, of course, but definitely something like that. between being so drunk i had to sit down for the elevator ride and not being able to control the volume of my voice, i concluded that attempting to move the laquered beast statue may prove to be a very unwise decision. the bird continued to stare at us for the remainder of the night from its creepy little corner. i never got to let it ride in the elevator. poor bird.
the rest of the week we didn't drink nearly as much, but instead spent most of our time fighting the waves on our wicked boards. i got pretty beat up a few times by the sand and my boobs fell out once, i think it was overall unsuccessful, but it was really fun to act like i was 7 years old. oooh and i got to eat like 2 pounds of freakin crab legs. if i had to replace sex with one thing, it would be crab legs. actually, i might take that back. because i mean, i like sex, and crab legs are nothing like it, however they are equally as good, well almost, on a totally different playing field. whatever, the damned crustation was good. that's all i'm trying to say. gah.
we only got to stay through friday, but it was super fun to see my crazy family and let them all meet dave. i think there was a total of 22 of us in the house. i mean, the bitch could sleep like 25, had 8 bedrooms, 8 bathrooms, 3 decks, a pool, an elevator and a wicked awesome platinum eagle. what more could you ask for? and it was ocean front. we win.