for joe

i realize that i am only writing this for joe, but i don't mind letting everyone know just how amazing i think he is. i'm gonna be a sappy ass and i'm going to alude to some inside jokes, so its possible that the only person that will actually enjoy this entry is joe. which is really all that matters anyway. so joe, this is for you...

j o e --
you are wonderful. and i love you.
i'll start with that.

following that, i figured that the least i could do for you is write an entry in honor of your wonderfulness. i'm not exactly sure how we fell into each other's lives to begin with, and then i'm really not sure how we became each other's better halves, but i thank god that we did. you are my best friend. you really are. with you, i can do anything. you allow me to show you the real nicole. the nicole that shakes when she's nervous, that can't hold eye contact as long as she wants, that gets all insecure about her new found crazy hair, that uses 'i don't know' as an answer for everything (especially important things), and that is basically one big walking disaster. you've let me into your life. you've allowed me to cross boundries that you didn't even know existed. and we got to cross them together. i'm actually getting all teary sitting here trying to find words to express just how incredibly much you mean to me... and holy hell, we have gone to hell and back, floated around in purgatory and then danced around the obscene more times than any two people ever should. especially so young. and not even technically dating or whatever. and you know what? i wouldn't change a thing. you have definitely given me the most fucking dramatic summer of my life, but also the best. nothing can ever take that from us either.
and good god, the fun we have had -- the nights we've gone out and sang toxic, the nights i've danced on the bar, the nights you've cooked dinner for me, the times we pounded bottle after bottle of wine on a wednesday night watching mafia movies, the times we just sat in silence together, the hugs, the tears, the laughter, the drunkenness, the soberness, the pool... can i continue? well, i mean, i'm going to anyway... let me go ahead and stick in a blurb of all the inside shit we've come up with this summer:

can i get a morphine drip? one, two ways? i have three bottles of wine and boonedock saints, let's go. we should ask jesus to come too. i need him. i also need jim the hippo sippy cup. he's green. and that's my favorite. what is this?! i need an adult. could you teach me to dance, hospital style? i mell moke. and i need you to check my downstairs. can i borrow your rackets? i need to do the dance. oh and can we please stay up and listen to techno and talk about headboards? or watch pimp my ride at 3:00 in the afternoon while it's raining and see what kind of ideas we get. and oh yeah, can you make a stripper pole? and feed me dollars when i dance on it? i beat mario. thanks for the support. i hate mario 2 though. thanks for the meat, and for plugging my hole. good pancakes. ronnie said that you're toxic. can i borrow your windshield? it makes me feel invisible. thanks for giving me a designated craft station in 102 f. sorry my room beeps too much. sorry you own taz shorts. for real. i promise to return all of your clothing evenutally. beer forts are cool. so are pool floats. and ninja parties at the pool. save an otter. wear a floaty. do i have boat eyes? lets go to the thrift store again. i'll be on lap duty any time you need me. will you wear the sailboat shirt or maybe even mathcounts? i dare you to take a shower and not have to take a break. are you drunk? get used to it! go eat a hotdog, gah. and get some cookie dough while you're at it. is this skirt socially unacceptable? did you say something about handcuffs? i swore i could have heard you say handcuffs? wanna make breakfast? thanks for being on nicole time. thanks for playing 90s music. yay for the deadbolt. yay for out of control hair. if i take a canoe to paris, will you push me? thanks for letting me use the tiki surfer guy. but i came in for tonsils! america, fuck yeah! blinky! run!

the list doesn't seem to end. i have so much fun with you.
i know you are in my life for a reason. i don't exactly know the reason yet, but i know its huge. i really don't ever want to know what life is like without joe. the times we've fought and i thought i might lose you were some of the worst feelings i've ever experienced. i am so blessed to have you and just hope that i get to continue to share so much with you. thank you for adding so much to my life, joe. i smile when i think about you. and yeah, sorry that everyone but me knows that we are apparently perfect for each other. hi, my name is idiot. but if you'll let me, i'll be your favorite tard for as long as i can. i'm lucky to have gotten to have so much of you. you are an amazing person. i hope you know that. you're the bomb diggity. yep.
thank you for making me face things about myself that i didn't think i could, thank you for teaching me how to calm down, thank you for letting me teach you that being unprepared is okay sometimes, thank you for opening up to me, thank you for letting me open up to you, thank you for letting me be your beautiful pain in the ass.

thank you for being you.
i need you. i love you.

always - nic

The Fantastic Four

As we all know, I am officially out of control. And this out of controllness seems to be fueled when I am in the presence of Joe, Candle and Jayson. I have taken it upon myself to deem us the Fantastic Four. Our sweet powers include, but are not limited to: hydraulics, massive consumption of alcoholic beverages, unlimited amounts of inside jokes referring to BAP, Ronnie, nachos and otters, performances at karaoke TDs resulting in free shit, and the ability to have endless meaningless conversations. Yessss.
Tuesday was a perfect example of all of these way envied abilities. The four of us sang Take Me Home Tonight (of course) and from there on out, it just got crazier every time one or all of us were on that stage. Candle and I ended up being backup dancers, or maybe we actually made the song worthwhile, with Vixxxen while J-Quest and Gabe sang Hey Ya. Lucky for me, I had just made a tacky trucker hat that I was able to use as a dance prop which induced even crazier dancing. The hat says "yes" in rhinestones and has pink ribbon around the edges. [Refer to pictures for full effect] So then, The Nic and Joe Show (yeah, you like that) sang Toxic. That is the best performance Joe and I have ever done. Really. I didn't wear the hat, but I was drunk enough to not care if I danced out to the max. So I did... I did the whole gyrate thing when the song kinda makes the gyrate sound, and really, I heard the bar get really loud. So I just danced more. And they got even louder. It was so freakin awesome to hear everyone screaming and cheering. Then Joe and I would get in the middle of the stage, sing to each other, grind on each other and then go to opposite sides and do our own thing. We didn't plan for it to work that way, it just did. And it was the freakin bomb. Because of my amazing ass-shaking abilities, Ed Miller rewarded me with this teeny little Malibu tanktop that actually barely covers my boobs. Yay for free worthless shit, though.
So basically, I have too much fun, I'm too out of control, I drink too much and I shake my ass too much and I love every freakin second of it. Yesss.

I Love My Friends to the Max

Nothing is more important to me than the relationships I have with my friends. Especially my best friends. They are my world, my support system, my most precious treasures. Anytime an arguement happens between us, I break down. I honestly do not know how to live when things are not okay with my friends. Last night, I thought I had lost my two best friends, for different reasons, and really, I couldn't physically stand up. I need you two so much. I don't just want you in my lives, I need you. Megan is my left support beam and Joe is my right. Without one of you, I am borderline hysterical, without both of you, my heart breaks. I know you both know how much I love you. Please know that love will never change. Thank you both for impacting my life in such wonderful ways. And damnit, don't leave me. Ever. I'll kick your asses. And sorry I'm an idiot sometimes. Honestly though, you two are amazing. I love you, Megan. I love you, Joe.

and just on a side note, thank you, Andrew. So much. I really do think you are wonderful.

and while I am at it, I love you Emily, Erin, Candle, Michael (both Cononie and Snider), Dave, and Jayson. All of you offer such a wonderful friendship to me. Thank you. I hope each of you know that I love you. I smile knowing how much fun I always have when any of you are around. You make my days happy. I love it that I can be Nicole, real Nicole, and all of you accept me for that. It's an incredible feeling as well as a blessing. Yay. I am so thankful to have you in my life. I'm lucky to be surrounded with such great people.

Can I Get a Morphine Drip? One, Two Ways?

I'm sure some of you have already heard pieces of the madness that occurred this past Saturday night concerning a trip made to the ER at 2:30 in the morning. Let me now fill you in on the insanity in it's entirity... it rivals for the title of funniest night of my life. Dave came to town, which called for dinner at Monterray's. Joe, Stephanie, Dan, Megan, Andrew, Dave and myself all went, whereupon the funniness began. We started telling stories of course, and I have not the slightest idea how this topic came about but it did: saving otters. Apparently Dave was out on a boat and saw this poor otter half drowning, so he scooped him up with his paddle and took him to shore. He gave the little guy some food and water and saved his life. Our motto, surprisingly enough, is now: Save An Otter. And that's funny. We're gonna make t-shirts.
Then I started talking about how much I hate flying and if I ever travelled I was going to just take a freakin boat. Or perhaps a canoe. With a single paddle. To Paris. "Hey Joe, will you give me a push? I gotta paddle to Paris and I can't get past the wake!"... I wind up 2 miles down the beach thinking I have sailed across the freakin sea. Yessss. And I think, "hmmm, Paris looks a lot like South Carolina."
Yeah, we're morons.
So then we go to Overtime. Stayed there all night. After like 8 shots and 2 pitchers, I got seriously out of control. I ended up wearing Joe's sunglasses, that actually resemble a windshield because they are so obnoxiously huge and tacky. I love them. So, when I have a prop, I tend to feel more invincible... I don't know. It's like the little kid on Big Daddy where if he puts on the sunglasses he feels like people can't see him. Yeah, hi, I do that too. Give me shades or a trucker hat and I'm good to go. So I wound up dancing on the bar, windshield on, thong hanging out, taking money out of people's teeth. Goodlord. Like, we caused a hell of a scene. Half the bar was watching us dance. Joe did the dollar-in-mouth-backbend-over-the-bar move, all the while I am bent down over him taking it from his teeth... did the same thing with Leah and Dave and a few more people that I can't really recall. People were screaming my name from across the bar (ahem Andrew) and it was a damn good time. I bruised my ass trying to get down. But I racked up like $15 from being up there for like 5 minutes. Hot. For a visual of how I looked on the bar, please refer to my newly updated facebook picture.
Closing time came. Whereupon it was decided we needed to go to the hospital. See, Dave had slammed his middle finger into his jeep door when he was pumping gas. It split it open on the underside, at the first bend in his finger (near the tip not the palm). He had wrapped it, but it just didn't seem like it was going to stop bleeding. He did this at like 6:00 that afternoon. So yeah, that'll be the only time we can say we made a pitstop at the bar before we went to the hospital. So we get there, Dave was on the phone getting yelled at by his dad because he didn't believe it wasn't an alcohol related injury and I was having a screaming fit in the bathroom because of all the shit that went down at Overtime after I left. Dave and I both got off the phone at about the same time and Joe said he could just feel the high tension. So Joe got on his hands and knees in the waiting room and literally drug himself across the floor using only his hands screaming "I need help! I need heeeeellllppp!" Holygod that was really the funniest act ever put on by Joe Long. Just thinking about him doing that makes me shake with laughter. So freakin funny. And he did it in the "Nic and Joe R-Tard Voice" which accounts for even more funniness. After that, it was nonstop laughing for 2 solid hours. I was still all pissed off and I was like "goddamnit, I am going to need some freakin morphine to calm down." I hadn't been that furious in a long time and I really couldn't compose myself. Like I was shaking I was so angry. (Still am, by the way... but that isn't relevant at this time) So Joe motions over the non-existant nurse and is like, "Excuse me, can I get a morphine drip over here? One, two ways, please?" Enter more hysterical laughter.
Joe and I got to be Dave's visitors, also known as the Worst Visitors Ever according to Dave, so we got to go wait with Dave back in our curtain-enclosed room. As soon as the nurse shut that curtain, Joe and I reverted back to being 6 years old and got into everything. First, Joe started playing with the huge overhead light -- trying to position it over Dave for maximum light usage. The nurse saw him. So Joe moped back to his seat where I was cracking up and kinda shoved him for being a tard. Yeah, shoved him right into the biohazardous waste recepticle. Joe was like "Nicole just gave me AIDS.... oh, maybe I shouldn't say that here." I laughed my ass off. All the while Joe was rubbing his arm mumbling "she gave me AIDS," and Dave was laying on the bed just shaking his head in silence at us. Joe got up to investigate (or snoop) some more. He opened one cabinet and was like "ooooooo I don't know what that is , but it looks fun!" Then he opens another cabinet and he was still cracking up from what was behind door #1, so his laugh turned into a cough. So he basically contaminated the entire steril ER. Way to go, Joe, gah. Way to give the sterilized equipment your newfound AIDS that I gave you, gah. He then was like "I neeed an adult." Again in the tard voice. Everything is funnier that way. So then anytime we started getting even more out of control, one of us would yell, I need an adult! It is also beneficial to use this phrase when being molested or harassed by any given person whose grimey mitts you do not want on your sacred, hot body.

Yeah yeah, we're going to hell. We already know...
Then Joe found the tongue holder-down things. Stole one. Found the surgi-lube which is really gross and I am content with never knowning what the hell surgi-lube is used for. Stole some of that. And then he found those sticky pads that you put on people's chest when you have to shock them. Yep, stole one of those too. You can search for this items on e-bay. Bidding starts at $7.48 for all items.
If you haven't gathered yet, we were in the room for quite some time, got a little stir-crazy, were still pretty waaaasted, and were in 6-years-old-mode. Then we found Baxter. The most expensive piece of machinery in the room. Joe picked it up, "Oooh it's heavy. Must be expensive." and proceded to push about 6 buttons at once. Baxter didn't move. He was just this little monitor thing, probably used to inspect people that have been contamenated with biohazards and they use surgilube with the chest pads and popsicle sticks to diagnose them. Or maybe it's just a heart monitor. Either way, we couldn't get the bitch to beep or turn on or anything. Gah, Baxter, way to be a tease. We continued to act like we were raised in a barn. Joe did the "tuck your arm in your sleeve so only your elbow sticks out of your shirt move," and said in the tard voice, "but I came in for tonsils!!" So in the process of writing this entry it has come to my attention that it was actually Joe that was being the child the entire time, I just didn't help the situation because I would provoke him to continue with his absurdity. All the more reason why I love you, Joe Long ;)
Finally at about 3:30am, Dr. Leap came to sew up Dave's damned finger. He's barely in the curtain and Joe is like, "Hey! Are you an author?!" I'm thinking WTF? Where the hell is this about to go? Dr. Leap is like "Why, yes I am." I laughed and did the "what is this" move. (For you Catholics who know the comedian Dane Cook, you know what I am talking about.) So Dr. Leap gave Dave these horrible shots in his finger that made it swell up like 5x its normal size. Grooooody. Joe and I got to watch doc stitch up our Dave. It was gross. But Dave got 3 stitches - which makes for a cooler story than just 2 stitches. Yesss. Dave was like, "I'm gonna be pissed if I don't have to get any stitches. I at least want a good story out of this damnit." Joe got all serious and was like, "So, Dr. Leap, is Dave going to be able to play guitar well after this?" Dr. Leap, without skipping a beat was like, "Could Dave ever play guitar well?" Joe was like "Awwww man, I reeeally wanted to use that line! Gah." Haha. Joe got served.Then Dr. Leap told us gross and weird stories about guys who got bit by snakes and dudes who lost 3 limbs. Ewwww. Then the nurse had to come in and wrap up Dave's bloody disaster. She was like, "Now, keep this clean and don't get this wet." Dave was like, "ummmm how am I supposed to clean it and not get it wet?" I laughed. I couldn't help it. She was like, "get it wet when you clean it, but keep it dry when you shower." Dave was like "Ummm..." I was like "Wear a floaty!!"

Save An Otter. Wear A Floaty.
So we finally got home around 4:30. Dave was stitched, Joe and I got to laugh our asses off and come home with cool party favors and we had more fun than anyone should ever have in the Emergency Room. Who knew the hospital could be such a laughable event?