And the Prickles

After a typical Friday night consisting of binge drinking and board games, I woke up surprisingly early (and perky) on Saturday morning. I decided that I could no longer stand the sight of the weeds that were taking over our front yard. I hauled out the weeding tools, the mini wheel barrow, and the gardening gloves and sat down amongst the shrubbery and rocks and began to curse as I pulled the first ugly weeds from my yard.

After clearing out about a pound of unnecessary out of control grass, I also realized that it wasn't just the weeds that I hated, but the bushes as well. Especially the monster cacti-like things that lived in the corner that just looked evil. They were evil. I'd try to pull the weeds from around them and I'd end up looking like a cutter because I'd have tons of mini pricks and scratches all the way up my arms until about elbow-height. And that shit hurts, just FYI. So I'd end up all pissed off and sweaty and wondering why anyone in their right mind would ever plant such a horrendous "plant." Devil plant.

So I grabbed ahold of two of the larger "leaves" or whatever the fuck grows off of these painful things and pulled as hard as I could. It came out of the ground rather easily. So I moved on to the next one, which apparently had a giant family of worms that lived beneath it. Sorry worms. I had to seek out the assistance of my husband to pull out the mother cactus that lived between the two smaller ones. That thing was giant. And quite the bitch to get out of the ground. We cussed a lot. I bet our neighbors hate us... We finally got the damn things out of the ground and stuffed into paper bags that could easily hold a human and called it quits.

Well, called it quits momentarily. I then decided that I also hated these little wussy leafy shrubs that were in the flower bed area. I took a shovel to them and added them to the paper bag.

I apparently forgot to think ahead and actually plan for what I was going to do after I ripped these stupid bushes out of my yard. So now, I just have these massive holes in beds of mulch. And needless to say, we now own a "how to landscape" book. I have no idea what I've signed up for but I can tell you one thing, I sure as hell won't be buying any damn cacti.