An "Important" Message

i'm really starting to become obsessive with myspace. okay no, that's a lie. i'm really starting to realize how obsessive i've been for so long... so i was periodically checking to see if i (cross your fingers) had any new messages. and i did. yes! so i look to see what i have and it's from joe and it says "important" as the subject. i start thinking "oh no, something bad... like he knocked out a tooth... fell out a window... took a pledge of sobriety... there was no more karaoke with ed miller." you know, tragedies. so, i open the message only to find this as the contents:

my hips don't lie.

and that was all. i should have known it would be important. just not urgent. and sometimes i confuse the two. so yes joe, you were correct, it is vital that you're hips, in fact, tell only the truth. because lying hips just don't cut it these days.

Down Here at the Pawn Shop

so i went to my first pawn shop the other day. i was actually scared to go in. i had no idea what to expect crazy pawn people to be like. surprisingly, they were normal...ish. see, i decided i needed to get rid of some old shit from some old boyfriend. i mean, i told him that he could have the ring back. he said i could keep it. so i pawned the bitch. thanks for the $100.
here is my philosophy on the promise ring: a promise ring is pretty much the equivalent of a dog pissing on a tree. it's like, "hey, this is my shit. i'm not gonna do anything with it. but it's mine. so there." this insight was recieved from my new friend michelle from class. pretty genius. and so true. i mean, come on, if you want to marry a girl, give her an engagement ring. a big one at that. don't give her some dinky ring that means "i might want to marry you one day. but not now. so just wait til i'm ready." um, no. so yeah, like i said, thanks for the 100 bucks.

Stop.That.Beeping.

okay, do you know how annoyed i am with frickin truckers? holy.frickin.crap. so, as you may know, i'm driving a ton this summer. and i mean, all i want to do is get from destination A to B. real simple, right? well, it would be awesome if nasty old trucker men would stop honking at me. GAH. so gay. seriously, i got beeped at 3 times on the way to charleston and 2 times on the way back. ooooh, big deal, girl driving sports car. get over it. get a life. get out of mine. why are some men so dumb? and please tell me how many times any man has gotten any woman by doing any of the following: honking, shouting, whistling, gawking, grabbing, harassing, or dropping raunchy pickup lines? come.on.
and while we're talking about it. well, actually we aren't. but why the hell can people not drive? i mean, if i see a car coming up behind me doing 83 mph, i move over. difficult, i know. instead, when i prefer to do 83 mph, trucks and other stupid vehicles such as the mini van and ugly scion box things prefer to get in my way. i mean ludacris made a song about this people. it's called "move, bitch, get out th' way." jesus. stupid truckers. stupid drivers. damnit, i need a drink.

Throw Dem Bows

saturday night, dave and i decided to introduce candle and opie to the purple tree ultra lounge. for those of you who don't know or have never experienced the purple tree, it's pretty much the coolest bar in charleston. you can sit in a booth and stare at all the idiots on the dance floor, go be an idiot on the dance floor, or be a combination of the two.
people tend to get exceptionally wasted in this bar for some reason. perhaps because they have bartenders such as the one we had who only charged us $18 for 3 liquor drinks, 2 jager bombs, 4 sex on the beach shots, 3 shots of some liquor i like to call death, 2 beers and some other date rape type shot. thank you drunk bartender.
well, apparently drunk bartender gave drunk customer too many drunk drinks because the a-holes in the booth next to us let their stupid drunk friend puke pretty much all over the place. i mean this girl was a trashcan. so we tell a bouncer because really, who wants to smell that? so yeah, dave rounds up a bouncer and the girls at the booth get all pissy. so dave sits back down with us and flicks them off for a good 4 minutes. all the while, i am just laughing and encouraging him. candle however, took a smarter approach to the situation... and entered into fight-mode. she's all like, "shit, we might be fightin' in a minute" so in one swift motion, candle pulls her hair back, takes out her earrings and bucks up. i follow her lead, although not nearly as gracefully, and yank out my earrings and fumble around for a hair tie. of course i forgot one and immediately panic. candle had back-up though. apparently, she comes prepared for girl fights... just incase.
the bitches and hoes eventully left the bar. dave removed his middle finger from the air once they were gone and candle and i put our earrings back in once the coast was clear. ha. we almost got into a girl bar fight. oh and dave and i accidentally got smashed. ha. i love charleston and all its ridiculousness.

a visit with clemson

yay, i got to see what's left of the clemson gang last night. i haven't seen erin and joe since i moved over a month ago - sad, man. it was so weird being back in clemson. i definitely felt like i had "outgrown" it -- that, or i am just excited and happy to be in charleston, so i don't necessarily miss "clemson." i do, however, miss me some erin and joe like whoa.
we are all such light weights now. it's laughable. joe and i were drunk off the fabulous champagne spritzers i introduced you people to a few blogs ago by 6:00...in the afternoon. lord.
we got to run into 40 Friend Zach and Mills and Snider, and that always equals a good time. Zach chose to bite instead of hug, however, so the side of my face and my shoulder blade are slightly bruised... damnit, Zach.
of course, we had to make the signature waffle house trip at the end of our evening. joe was particularly hungry and opted to order two meals. my arteries hurt just thinking about the grease. eww.
so yeah, yay for having amazing friends. i hope you know how much you mean to me. and really, you know you have fabulous friendships when you can miss a whole month and be able to go back to the way things always were without ever missing a beat. i love you maniacs.

and so it begins

so its about that time in our lives that we are getting engaged and married or at least planning for it all. some of my friends have gorgeous rings and bridal magazines from floor to ceiling. and i have to admit that i'm definitely guilty of daydreaming about the idea of marriage and having a wedding.
my oldest friend, sheena, got married last night. (yay and congrats!) i've known her for 18 years. we grew up together. even though we went to rival colleges (ewww, usc, gross. ha) we still managed to stay friends. our mothers consider one another to be sisters, and our families get along so well. sheena looked so beautiful, and gah, it made me cry to watch her walk down the isle. i'm so happy for you, sheena.
the reception was so much damn fun! i never realize how much i miss my old high school friends until i see them again. we're so lucky that we still get to see each other and that when we do see each other, its for wonderful occasions, like sheena and luke's wedding. i mean, yay! way way yay.
the most eventful moment of the night was the bouquet toss... because i caught it! YES! while dave did not catch the garter, i will still giddy about my fabulous flower catching skills. matt mullinax actually caught the garter, so we danced together. reminded me of prom. definitely fun.
so yeah, wow. the girls are starting to get married and i just find that to be extremely exciting. so now, i'm gonna go float around the pool and continue my daydreaming...

champagne spritzers and eyebrow trimmings

obviously, all of us have our ways of dealing with stress, life, morons, etc. we all definitely have signs that these types of things are headed our way, too. recently, i have been having terrible dreams that people are trying to kidnap me, hurt me, or vandalize my car. and i've also been encountering debilitating migraines for days in a row.
you may be thinking that i would be crawled up in the fetal position in the corner by this point, but i have chosen an amusing array of alleviating tactics to combat my horrid stress. first, there is the champagn spritzer that i was so kindly introduced to via megan at the pool yesterday. thank god for $4 champange and fresca. who knew? this reliever helped me not feel fat in my bikini, allowed me to dismiss the fact that i have no income or money in general, and conclude that apartment leases and managers are crooked and lawyers can be a real good thing.
GSN can be accredited for stress relieving tactic #2. i mean, how can i possibly worry about idiots that go into the esso looking for me still or if my loan is being approved when classic shows like family feud and whammy are on tv? i'm way too involved in helping players chant for big money to be concerned about my own ishures. not issues.
lastly, i've always been aware that i'm weird. i'm okay with that. the way i chose to forget about pending problems completely validates my weirdness. instead of studying or crying or drinking, today i chose to groom my eyebrows. with scissors. now, for those of you who know me well, you understand that i cannot cut a straight line and that most of the time i cannot cut anything at all due to my left-handedness. i also have a tendency to get angry and attempt to cut my hair and end up with missing chunks. however, i mananged to successfully leave most of my eyebrows in tact and well-positioned. but i mean really, who honestly puts scissors to their own face when in their right frame of mind.
at least i realize that i'm seriously on edge and stressed out. but i appreciate myself for not being a basketcase about it all. however, i have found it challenging to be your own counselor... i'm thinking i might buy some coloring books or paint the apartment next.