The Napkin Diaries

Today I have Senioritis.

For those of you unaware of the symptoms of Senioritis, it goes something like this:

I don’t feel like doing shit.

Senioritis didn’t really hit me too hard in high school, mostly because I was just a teenager with a hellacious schedule of cheerleading, boys, and homework. Not necessarily in that order. It was demanding, let me tell you. It wasn’t until college that my Senioritis became more prominent. My prior schedule, now had new priorities: DRINKING, boys, and homework. Totally in that order. It was demanding, let me tell you. Let me also tell you that I really really enjoyed 2/3 of my schedule. Mmmmm, college…

I started seriously utilizing my maximum number of absences allowed per class during my senior year. And I would conveniently schedule them in a row. And there was no pre-requisites for taking these days off. Usually I’d wake up and be like “Oh today is totally a Personal Day,” (i.e. I ain’t doin’ SHIT). Well, sometimes the pre-req was that I drank the day/night before or was planning to drink during said Personal Day and therefore needed ample time to recover and/or prepare.

So, I have Senioritis today. But why? You ask. Because I don’t want to do anything. I don't care that I haven't been an undergrad in 4 years. I have Senioritis today, damnit.

I want to sit in a grungy apartment with my favorite people and fart around and do nothing but stir up trouble, or play Nintendo, or wear my crab pants (they totally have little crabs on them and I wore them all the time in college. I mean, they were pajama shorts, but I still wore them to take out the trash, and to hit on boys ( this one time I was totally wearing them with a trucker hat cocked to the side at 3 in the morning when I met this guy-turned-boyfriend as he busted all up in my girls’ apartment when I was partying in Columbia). Where the hell was I going with this??)

::wanders off aimlessly::

I know, I know, I've been MIA and it's completely unacceptable. I blame my job 100% for throwing me the most bat.shit.crazy week of my life last week. I think I had a nervous breakdown on Wednesday. Here's hoping that this week I make it to at least Thursday.





Okay, so the idea of the game is to wash off as much paint as you can - apparently a group of a-hole paint-ballers attacked the chomp chain and now he's a rainbow of disaster. Why you actually want to get him clean after he's been trying to attack you all these years is beyond me.

This past weekend Dave and I traveled (one hellacious journey, at that) to Clemson to see our favorites. We figured we could make a mini-engagement party out of it. Driving was a bitch. Seriously, why can't people get out of the passing lane when they are not passing? And why would you get into the passing lane when you can obviously see a truck coming at you doing about 90? Idiots. So needless to say, we were pissed by the time we got to the 102. It immediately got better, though -- like really, before we could park, Shawn was hugging Dave through the window and Erin was pretty much in my lap. Joe and Michael were screaming from the balcony. And I think Candle had her drink up in the air "woooing" at us. Damn, we have awesome friends.
So we proceed to drink some Evan and Cheerwine. Yes, it is actually a delicious combination. Who knew? Well, I guess Joe did since he made all of my drinkies for me. I think we were all drunker than we thought because the following things occurred, and I'm not certain of the order of the debachery:

1. Joe and I stood on the furniture and sang/screamed Toxic. We tried to pretend like we were at Karaoke Tuesday. Not quite the same. But at least it was the Nic and Joe show and not the __ and Joe show... as Joe put it when he attempted to perform without me one disasterous Tuesday night. Aww. I miss Ed Miller.
2. Someone decided that throwing poker chips into the ceiling fan was the best idea, like ever. So we started with the poker chips. Then we added a deck of cards. Then Joe's shoe. And then the tailgate chairs. Most everyone got something lobbed at their face. Thankfully we were all slightly numb from the "alcool" (as the Engrish ppt show depicted. I think only Joe and Catherine will understand that... but it's still funny and I'm not taking it out.)
3. Joe then thought it would be awesome to use his tongue, yes tongue, to stop the dusty ass fan blades. Apparently Joe's nose is longer than his tongue, though, because it was his nose that stopped the fan instead. Really, Joe, what the fuck were you thinking? I mean, it was funny as hell, so you do what you want.
4. Michael and I busted out the Cononie Shake. It was glorious.
5. Dave and I busted out the "River Runs Through It" dance. We need a better name for it... any suggestions? Jayson told us the next day that sometimes he's not sure if he should watch when we do that.
6. Joe gave Corey a shoe wedgy. And was eerily proud of this.
7. Michael, Joe and I ate cheese with some eggs and sausage underneath it. Best drunk breakfast ever. And sorry Dave, for using your head as my table... I guess you shouldn't fall asleep in my lap right before feeding time.
8. I had a back popping session with Shawn the chiropractor. I can stand up straight again. Thanks, Shawn.

More funny stuff probably happened. But I got drunk. It happens.
We tailgated all day Saturday. We were in Ingles at like 10:15 buying loads of beer and hamburgers. It was pretty. Not pretty funny. Just pretty. We brought a TV and Candle made a bomb ass playlist for us to rock out to all day. And we also brought the freakin Nintendo. Hell. Yes. For whatever reason though, my stomach decided to hate me, therefore causing me sobriety for the entire day. Boo. Dave had to stay sober too because he had to go the library because some doof he works with like completely crashed the entire system and Dave had to come to the rescue. Yay, Dave.
We basically just ate food and took pictures all day. Joe, Michael, Dave and myself decided to skip the game and play Mario instead. It was fabulous.
So yay for a good weekend with good friends and good times. I really miss Erin and Joe. Like whoa. But I guess I will settle for fabulous weekends if I must. Love you people. Oh yeah, and go Tigers! Way to kick some stupid LA Tech ass.

On a complete side note -- I apoligize for my use of capitalization. I have a job now that requires correct grammar... well, actually, they might not care, but I don't want to look like an idiot. So now I use the shift key again. Damn.

Sunday was the day before our one-year anniversary. Dave and I spent it at the pool with three of the coolest people on the planet: Candle, Catherine and Opie. We had some drinkies and just hung out. That night, Dave and I went to Sullivan's Island to eat at this restaraunt that Candle and Opie rave about called Poe's. Which by the way, was awesome. You can get rare burgers. Or medium rare.. how I like it. I got a little nervous when Dave was like "lets just go drive around," thinking that he had something planned. No. We actually just drove around.
We came home and started playing Nintendo. At 12:07, Dave came back into the living room (I think he had just been in the kitchen... or in the bedroom getting the ring...) and he said "Stand up." I was like "Why" He was like, "Stand up. I want to give you a hug. It's officially our anniversary." So I paused Dr. Mario and stood up to tell him I loved him so much and say happy anniversary. Dave then made some comment about how we will have the rest of our lives to play Nintendo... Then he took a deep breath, put his right hand in his pocket and as he was pulling out a ring box, he was getting down on one knee! I made some type of squealish noise and I think I said "Really?!" Then Dave said, "Will you marry me, Nicole?" and he opened the box to show me the ring. I actually only glanced at the ring and immediately said "Of course I will marry you!!" I held my hand out so he could put the ring on my finger and then I got down on my knees to hug him and kiss him. I was probably only kneeling for about 3 seconds before I was like "Um, can I sit all the way down because I'm really hot?" Typical Nicole. Seriously.
We sat down on the floor staring at the ring, then back at each other, then we would say "Oh my god, you're my FIANCE" By the way, fiance is our new favorite word of choice. The ring is so amazing. Dave's family has had diamonds for generations, so I get to wear the family jewels now. They are considered European cut (which resembles brilliant rounds) and the man who appraised the diamonds said he had never seen diamonds of this type more beautiful than the ones Dave had. Holy hell. The ring is 5 diamonds, platinum setting and 1.68 carats total. Seriously, I gained 3 pounds when I put that bling on my finger. He had it completely custom made. Because the diamonds are all unique, it took about 16 hours to design the ring. There is subtle, elegant engraving around the sides and the detail is absolutely amazing.
Dave told me that he had called to ask my Dad earlier that night to ask him if he could ask me to marry him. I absolutely love that he did the traditional thing and asked my Dad. And he was a sneak about it too. When we had come home from dinner, Dave grabbed the crossword puzzle and headed to the bathroom to do "business." I thought nothing of it. He came out really quickly though, so I asked if he was okay. He just said "false alarm" and I laughed at him and thought nothing of it. That's when he had gone to call my Dad. He said asked him and of course Dad said that he thinks the world of Dave and would love nothing more than for him to ask me to marry him and then Dave was like "Thank you so much. I have to go now because I am so nervous that I don't know what else to say." How freakin cute is that?!
We stayed up until 3:00 calling each other fiance and looking at my amazing new engagement ring. ENGAGEMENT RING! When I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom mirror, I paused only to say "It's like a rave when I brush my teeth," referring to how ridiculously shiny my 5, yes 5, diamonds are. Ohmygod, I'm so lucky!

I decided to skip class Monday night to officially celebrate our "new" anniversary -- the day David proposed. He took me out to Shem Creek to eat at this really nice restaraunt called Water's Edge. We ordered a bottle of wine, had crab dip, grouper, filet mignon and the most amazing peach creme brulle ever. Of course we ended up getting a buzz from our decievingly large bottle of wine that I had picked out. Of course I picked the one with the naked tree ladies on the label too. Hey whatever, the crazy tree nudests got us tipsy; so we ran with it. We went downtown to Henry's to grab some drinks and then retreated back to Gene's to finish out the night. We played Engagement Connect Four, Engagement Yahtzee and Engagement Scrabble. Which basically meant, we didn't really keep score and we just kept talking about being each other fiance. Oh we were so fabulously sappy. Love it.
Neither of us cried. I think we were too happy to cry. And both of us agree that we are in shock about it all. I mean, I look at this ring and say "Dave is my fiance" and I just can't believe it's true. I'm going to marry my perfectly ideal finance. FIANCE! Dave is my FIANCE! We're ENGAGED! HOLY FREAKIN CRAP! I didn't know that I could love someone like this and I didn't know I could be this happy. I thank God for putting Dave in my life. He is my soulmate. And now I get to be with him forever.

as many of you know, dave and i are disgustingly obsessed with nintendo; mostly bubble bobble and dr. mario. like obsessed to the point where are eyes start to cry involuntarily because we've been staring at the gorgeous 42 in. plasma for an absurd number of hours...

we've gotten so good that we can get to level 57 in bubble bobble without ever using a continue. oh yeah, that's serious. and we can beat the main boss guy at the end like whoa. only took us 23 years to figure out how... and we only figured it out by consulting jeeves.

well, whatever, we were playing, as usual, the other night and dave kept stealing all the fruit. i was getting pissed. so i push him while sitting on the floor next to him. he pushed back and like almost knocked my head off. here was our conversation about the pushing:
nicole: what the hell?!
dave: i'm trying to teach you a lesson
nicole: in what? sumo wrestling?
dave: (dramatic pause and then mumbles under breath) you assumo.
i was no longer pissed off at all, but rather confused and slightly amused too. needless to say, i don't think i really cared what happened in the game after that because i was too busy trying to figure out just where out of his ass he pulled that comment. and that's one of the million reasons i love that guy...

i want to share with you the conversation dave and i had at some point in the middle of last night:

nic: you have to reach higher!
dave: why? what?
nic: i shouldn't have to explain it to you. [sigh] you should know.
dave: what do you need me to reach for.
nic: i cannot believe you are asking me this! if you don't know then i'm not telling you!
dave: nic, i don't know what you want.
nic: if you don't know by now then just forget it.
dave: nicole, what are you talking about?
nic: what? damnit. i think i am asleep.
dave: you asked me to reach higher, what for?
nic: lives.
dave: what? lives?
nic: for mario.
dave: bursting into laughter
nic: don't touch me i'm hot!
dave: okay.
nic: sorry, i guess i was talking in my sleep. don't touch me.
dave: um, okay? goodnight?
nic: grunt.

needless to say, i have no idea what was actually going on in my dream or what provoked me to freak out in my sleep. dave and i did, however, play mario 3 for hours on end last night, which may account for my need for more "lives" if you will. wtf

So, Dave and Shawn have become obsessed with this wretched playstation game called Socom. More like Socrap. All they do is sit in their respective rooms with their little headsets, yell to each other and at other players and blow each other up or run each other over with tanks. Woo. At dinner tonight Shawn compared me and him to a divorced couple fighting for custody of the kid. Dave being the kid. I still cannot fathom the love men/boys/dumbasses have for video games. Especially video games where there isn't a very clear beginning and end. This is why I enjoy regular old school grey box Nintendo. We all can understand that Mario starts at the beginning of a world, stays on one path, kills some flying turtles, hits his head on a box at the end, collects some coins, perhaps a new life, and moves to the next world. Simple. Socom = not simple. Socom = stupid. Oh yeah, I have a disclaimer for this blog. Shawn told me I could do it. And Dave knows I love him. And he did give me neat computer toys that make my computer better that I don't understand. So I told him I'd make him cupcakes. Even if he does like Socom. As long as he doesn't start coming to bed with his controler or headset... or Shawn... I suppose I can deal with this video game obsession.

I'm not really sure what sparked this obsession, but I have fallen victim to the gray box Nintendo. Like really, I showed up at mexi-Monday at midnight because I had sat in front of Nintendo for 5 freakin hours. Who does that?! I like to consider myself on the Mario diet. Because really, I'm gonna end up losing weight because all I do is play that stupid game. Mario 3. Yessss. When I finally pulled myself away after 2 more hours of Mario after mexi-Monday, I went to bed with swollen and bruised fingers and thumbs. Then, no joke, I woke up with my hands in the position they were all day from holding the controller -- all contorted and numb from being clutched around that stupid rectangle with the 3 buttons. I'm surprised I didn't break the controller from keeping a death grip on it all day. Gah, I need a life.
My brother, Michael, came to play with us in Clemson last night. He will be a freshman in the fall! Yay. So we thought we'd throw a little party for him. I played Nintendo for most of the night. Until too many people kept walking in front of the TV or because I kept getting smacked with beerpong balls. Gah. Then I got too drunk to see Mario anyway, so it all panned out and I ended up being the one throwing the beerpong balls in all the wrong places. Everytime someone missed I called them a bitch, I think. Always guys too. "Haha you missed all the cups, bitches!" was basically my catch phrase for the evening. We had fun. Kevin and I kicked some beerpong bitch ass, too. I have a ton of fun with that kid -- even if you do get to lazy to hold yourself up and revert to using the wall as a dance prop. Too fun.
Michael wanted to go to Tiger Tails, but Waffle House was closer and not quite as grody, so me, Michael and Andrew went there instead. Those two guys talked about cars and computers for so long. It was actually really cute. Too bad I didn't understand a damn thing they were saying. Talking about motherboards, horsepower and torque... I was like "Ummm, well I got to level 8 on Mario today." I'm glad we got to show Michael a little taste of Clemson party madness. More is definitely to come, bro, so get ready! :)
So, I've been singing Savage Garden - I Want You, all damn day. "Ooooh I want you, I don't know if I need you but oooooh I'd die to find out... like a chick-a-cherry cola." Which is really cracking me up. I haven't heard that song since like 1995 so maybe since I'm in old school mode, my brain has warped back to old goofy pop songs too. I did just add New Kids on the Block to my latest cd... gah, I know I am an incredible dork. You guys still like me though. Even though according to some I am, and I quote, "dumber than a bag of hammers," based on some of the decisions I wanted to make... whatever. I had so much fun last night with Michael and Andrew - so thanks guys :) And thanks to Savage Garden for entertaining my brain today. Ha.