The Napkin Diaries

i made a rash decision. well kinda. i mean, i guess it was mildly planned out. whatever. i pierced my left rook. or, got it pierced, i should say. if you don't know what a rook is, go google it. it's hot.

i just wanted to let you know, that right now, at this very moment... i am getting waaaaasted with dave. (he's the first best man in my life). and the term waaaaasted has been coined by joe long, for those that do not know.
evan williams is my second favorite man. and i owe my drunkness to him. yessss.
and i really wanted to write this blog mostly so i could use the little "drunk" mood guy. ha.

can you hear me now? okay so i changed my phone number last week for two reasons, (a) i moved to charleston and wanted a local number, (b) i don't want sleezy ex-boyfriends or weirdos to have my number anymore. legitimate enough. so the phone works for a week. sweet. on monday i tried to call dave while driving back to simpsonville and instead of your typical "ring ring" i hear, "thank you for using america's roaming network. you will be charged $2.99 per call and $1.99 once the call has connected." well, i mean, fuck that.
so once i got home, i called verizon (from the house phone, not from the million dollar per phone call phone). good thing i used the house phone because i was on it for about 40 minutes with 2 different people. neither of them knew how to fix my phone. and they had me in places of my phone that i didn't even know existed.

so finally the dude i was talking to gave up and told me to just take it into a store. i did just that the very next day... and i got to hang out in the cell phone store for an hour. awesome. so the manager dude is looking at my phone and i say "so i guess this isn't really something you guys see often, huh" manager man is like "no, maybe a few times, but it's pretty rare." other cell phone man next to him responds with "man, i've never seen this!" manager man was like "yeah actually i haven't either. i just didn't want to make you feel bad." well, shit.
so they pass my phone over to the tech guy and i sit down and feel like i am in a waiting room waiting to hear the news of my cell phone's surgery. well, it was fatal. they finally gave up, deemed my cell phone corrupt, bad and defective and gave me a new one. sweet, a shiny new phone without scratches or a crooked antenna. yesss. bad news was that i had to program all my numbers back in manually. lucky for me though, i recently deleted like 83 numbers so i only have like 30 left in there anyway.
so the verizon guys said that they should give me some kind of ribbon proclaiming that "yay, i own the first cell phone to officially stump the entire verizon staff." whatever, at least i got a sweet new phone out of it. maybe i should change my number more often...

i'm in graduate school, right? well apparently, that doesn't mean anything because we are having "bring your favorite phobia to class" day next week. i also have to make a time capsule for my other class,but whatever. so in researching my "favorite phobia" i came across some incredibly ridiculous fears and felt compelled to share. here's a list for your making fun enjoyment:

*peladophobia= fear of bald people
*katisophobia= fear of sitting down
risky career options for people with this phobia
- computer jobs
- desk jobs
- office jobs
- any job in an office with chairs
(yes, i actually found this on a website)
*oenophobia= fear of wine
*lachanophobia= fear of vegetables...
i mean, that squash can be pretty scary sometimes...
*cacophobia= fear of ugliness
*pogonophobia= fear of beards
*alektorophobia= fear of chickens
*xanthophobia= fear of the color yellow or the word yellow
* anglophobia= fear of england or english culture, etc.
* arachibutyrophobia= fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth
* geniophobia= fear of chins
*lutraphobia= fear of otters (don't fear them; save them! ha.)

yeah, just thought you might enjoy this shit. i did. i hope i never have to counsel anyone with one of these fears. i think i'd laugh. a lot.

because i've sat on my ass and drank alcohol for the past 5 years of my life, i've become a little... out of shape. i know i'm not a cow or horribly obese, but i used to have tricep muscles and a hotter ass and whatnot. so because i have been bitching nonstop for about a year about what a fatty i've become, mom and dad bought me a personal trainer. or, paid for me to have one. whatever. so i will meet with rhonda the wonder woman for 11 more sessions in hopes of becoming a fabulously sexy bitch.
today was our first official session and, oh my god, i've never felt pain like this. i did lunges, leg presses, leg curls, leg lifts, standing lunges, 20 minutes of moderate intensity cardio, some crazy bending exercise with the big ball, and lastly... the throw downs. you know, the things where you hold on to someone's ankles and they throw your legs to the floor and you have to bring them back up just so they can throw them down again? aka: torture. i didn't even know you could work these muscles... well, places where muscles should be. good gah. so needless to say, i don't think i can walk anymore.
oh yeah, and she's making me keep a food journal, which is smart because now i won't put bad things into my mouth because i will know i will have to write them down. and then wonder woman rhonda will be disappointed. and we cannot have that. so no more cheese and mayo sandwiches with a side of ice cream. damn. so watch out, bitches, i'm about to be hardcore.

okay, so there is this girl that i've had a couple of classes with throughout the past year. nice girl. smart. but has this one really serious issue that might lead to me developing serious issues. she enunciates like there is no tomorrow. you know how some people mumble and act like they have 17 marbles in their mouths when attempting conversation? well this chick apparently is trying to make up for marble mouth by completely overcomensating. she's like "to.day. i. will. tell. you. a.bout. ser.i.ous. al.co.hol. a.buse. pro.gram.s." holy shit. like really, it's hard to not burst into laughter... or tears, for that matter when listening to her present something. but then, on random occassions, she'll revert back to marble mouth, and i cannot for the life of me understand what the hell has caused this girl to have such difficulties with speech!
so to, um, make matters more in.ter.est.ing. she's in my group. shit. stupid group work. i mean, everyone knows she likes to take.her.moth.er.f.bomb.time.whi.le.speak.in.g. so i don't think i will be judged for having her in my group. and anyway, we're counselors, we aren't allowed to judge. so yeah, luckily i only have 8 classes left. well actually, crap, she's in both classes, so i will see her 16 more times in my life. damn.it.