The Napkin Diaries

I was driving somewhere and decided to bust out one of my old ass untitled CDs from the back of the case yesterday, and La La happened to be one of the songs on the random ass CD. there is always one night in particular that i think of when i hear that song, and that would be the night we were in city bar - i know that dave, joe and megan were with me. and i think emily and michael were there too. either way, the girls went up to the front stage and this song came on. i threw one of my legs up on the railing and grinded all over the place, all swinging my hair around and being as drunk and sexy as possible. well, my sexiness was supposed to be wowing dave, instead, i ended up catching the lesbian's eye. she told me i was the best dancer in the bar and that i was really pretty. megan saved me. needless to say, i still have no idea what dave's reaction was that night because i was too busy being semi-molested by the little lesbian lady...

so yeah, everytime i hear this song, i think of that night. and that's funny.

Okay, so there was this random bulletin "22 things about your #1 friend on myspace" so I posed one for Joe and he posted one back for me. Because they are so terrific, I am turning them into a blog so that when "Life as I Wrote it: Volume II" is issued, it will be one of the first pages. Woot. So, here are the fun facts: the first one is from me about Joe, second is about me from Joe. K. Enjoy. Happy Friday.

22 Questions about JOE
1) What's their name?
JOE!
2) Do you trust them?
with my life
3) How did you meet them?
i really don't know -- 148 k girls and the 102 f boys just started hanging out. then we realized we had a very common interest: getting wasted. we spent the next 3 years of our lives drunk together.
4) How old were you when you first met?
oh wait! now i remember the first time i met you -- it was at a lambda chi party -- you were drunk and you gave me your number in the front yard of the house behind esso. i think i was 20 years old then.
5) Is this person one of your best friends?
he IS my BEST friend
6) Say something that only makes sense to you and them?
this could take a minute:
can i get a morphine drip? one, two ways? i have three bottles of wine and boonedock saints, let's go.
i need jim the hippo.
i need an adult.
could you teach me to dance, hospital style?
i mell moke.
and i need you to check my downstairs.
can i borrow your rackets? i need to do the dance.
oh and can we please stay up and listen to techno and talk about headboards?
thanks for the meat, and for plugging my hole. good pancakes. ronnie said that you're toxic. c
an i borrow your windshield? it makes me feel invisible.
thanks for giving me a designated craft station in 102 f.
sorry my room beeps too much. sorry you own taz shorts. for real.
beer forts are cool. so are pool floats. and ninja parties at the pool.
save an otter. wear a floaty.
do i have boat eyes?
i'll be on lap duty any time you need me.
is this skirt socially unacceptable?
thanks for being on nicole time.
thanks for playing 90s music. yay for the deadbolt.
yay for out of control hair.
if i take a canoe to paris, will you push me?
but i came in for tonsils!
america, fuck yeah!
blinky! run!blinky! run!

7) Is this person older than you?
by about 9 months
8) when was the last time you saw this person?
when we played death dice twice. gah, too long! can't wait until ugly christmas sweater party THIS WEEKEND!!
9) when was the last time you talked to them on the phone?
i called him tuesday to tell him there were 12 bottles of wine in my office.
10) Are you related to this person?
he's my brotha from anotha motha
13) Are you their b/f or g/f?
no, just my BFF
14) Do you have nicknames for each other?
i pretty much just call joe joe.
and he calls me nic.
15) Do you have pics of this person on your myspace?
all over the place.
16) How many times do you talk to this person in a week?
we probably talk every single day even if it is via myspace messages
17) Do you think the person will repost this?
it's possible
18) Could u live with this person?
i pretty much was the unofficial roomie at the 102 all last year.
20) Why is this person number one on your top friends?
because he's joe fucking long and he is the best mother effing person/friend ever. zee end.
21) Have you seen this person cry?
i actually don't think i've physically seen tears. no.
22) Do you know this person's middle name?
HARRY!! woooooot. LOVE YOU.
____________________________________________________

22 Questions about the one and only Nicole Fucking Cononie
1) What's their name?
Nicole
2) Do you trust them?
i dont trust many people, but her i trust with everything
3) How did you meet them?
first time i remember seeing her was at her halloween party, she came in wearing her trucker outfit and telling everyone the rules to some drinking game, i thought she was pretty hot, and i was kinda scared of her, so i talked to her quiet friend instead

first time i remember us hanging out was downtown then on the cat bus

4) How old were you when you first met?
like a week away from 21
5) Is this person one of your best friends?
she IS my BEST friend, we've been through alot of severe good and bad times in life and i know shes always there for me
6) Say something that only makes sense to you and them?
Valasa Raptors!
2x4 and some pantyhoes
Do the pirate dance
Free glowsticks in the front
the gesture you make like fanning your mouth cause its hot, but in a really gay way
the bathtub just kicked my ass
smells like january and valtrex
damn the bathroom is locked, wait this trashcan will work
yay im a lama again
can we get a pitcher of christmas
is it like this or is it like this, or is it like this...
pewpty pants'
'great prices, by here!'
nic and joe show
bombpops!
want some limes
ewww! dont touch me
Baxter!
(not as good as your list i know, these were all off the top of my head)

7) Is this person older than you?
little younger, not enough to make a difference
8) when was the last time you saw this person?
too fucking long ago, but the countdown is on for shenanigans
9) when was the last time you talked to them on the phone?
tuesday, i got a call concerning wine, go figure
10) Are you related to this person?
no but i consider her one of my sisters
13) Are you their b/f or g/f?
BFF oh yeah
14) Do you have nicknames for each other?
went from niconie to nikky to nic, thats what its been for years now
15) Do you have pics of this person on your myspace?
shes pretty much in everyone
16) How many times do you talk to this person in a week?
at least once a day either by myspace or phone, sometimes telepathy
17) Do you think the person will repost this?
im reposting hers
18) Could u live with this person?
we pretty much did for over a year, made a deal that if either of us get really rich we'll all get a house together
20) Why is this person number one on your top friends?
for all the reasons listed up to now, shes awesome, ridiculously fun and crazy, i can trust her with anything, sweet as hell, my drinking buddy, pretty hot, always there, and the kind of friend you only find once in a while
21) Have you seen this person cry?
ive got a few mascare stains on my shirts before, but only when something really bad happens
22) Do you know this person's middle name?
i believe it is Christene (i dont think thats spelled right) but we replaced it with an F-bomb a while back

Okay today started off super shitty -- I had to go to the car dealership for the second time now because not even 48 hours after the last time it was in there, the check engine light came back on... which means I paid them $172 to do nothing. awesome. I also let them know how awesome I thought they were... whatever... so I get to to the office and immediately notice that there is this massive ass package on my desk. and its really heavy. I was like "whatever" and didn't even bother to open it because I figured it had nothing to do with me anyway. Well, about 30 minutes went by, and I was just like, "oh fuck it" so i got a pen and tore the tape off. the inside was packaged really weird -- it had like 12 circular/tube styrofoam pieces in it. I was like "wtf." so then i manage to wiggle one apart... low and behold...
there are 12 bottles of WINE in this glorious box! whaaat?! I immediately considered not telling the rest of my co-workers and taking the entire box home with me. Instead I told them that they have presents here and they have to come pick them up if they want them... I'll give them a week. then those bitches are mine! all mine! muhahaha!

Dave and I were in Clemson this past weekend to celebrate Joe's 24th birthday! Yay, happy birthday, Joe. We hung out Thursday night, drank a lot of beer, ordered pizza at 2:00 am and then Joe and I were the only one's left standinng at 4:00 am talking about everything from baby names to tanning beds. Dave crapped out sometime after the moonshine shot, which caused Dave to forget his childhood. He took the shot and immediately said, blank faced, "Now I can't remember my childhood."
Friday we ate Esso lunch - ohmygah I forgot how much I loved the 9000 calorie country fried steak meal. Mmmm. I want one right now. Then we started drinking. Ha. We grilled out that night... still drinking... and then went back to Joe's to drink more. There were 11 of us there, 10 of us were drinking. Poor Dave was suffering from reflux/heartburn/Thursday night, so he couldn't play. We started to play card games, but realized quickly that there were too many people, not enough table space, and definitely not enough attention span to play anything with cards. Enter: Michael the Genius. Michael is like "I know! Let's all have a number, 2-11, when your number is rolled, you drink." We ended up coming up with a whole list of rules and even a name... and so is born Death Dice Twice.

Rules:
1. Everyone gets a number (in a clockwise circle)
2. When your number is rolled, you drink
3. If you roll doubles, you roll again
4. If you roll doubles twice, you have to roll the Death Dice -- this is the 3rd die that is brought into the game, and whatever number you roll, you drink that number
5. 12 is social
6. If you roll sloppy dice, you drink. (Sloppy dice means that one or both die have rolled off the table.)
7. If you roll your own number, you drink and roll again
8. if you roll your own number twice, you finish your beer. (As Candle says though, "I can't do that! I have acid reflux!" We still made her drink it. Ha, sorry girl.)
9. Go through 3 rounds of Death Dice, the person who drank the most amount of times will then start off as #2.
10. Start Death Dice all over until everyone is wasted and incapable of drinking more beer.

Michael, you should seriously patent this game and go make us millions. Genius. In the midst of the weekend, I constructed a beer box hat. It's pretty flashy. It also causes Shawn to sweat profusely. He claimed it didn't breathe well, it probably didn't. But it was really funny to sit next to him on the couch and watch him wipe the sweat off his forehead. He finally had to give up and give the beer box hat back to Michael. Ha. Good weekend. Thanks for the Clemson fun. I miss you guys.

i've been meaning to write this blog since like, sunday, but i had to find this particular receipt first. this receipt that i speak of, is the one that i wrote down all the funny drunk stuff on from saturday. i do this pretty much everytime i go out, because i learned quickly that i will only remember funny drunk stuff if i (a) write it down (b) call myself and leave a message. i found that calling myself doesn't usually work because i just laugh and take gulps of my drink and forget why i am calling myself. if i write it down, i can usually somewhat read it in the morning.
saturday was amanda and rob's wedding out at dune's west. amanda was dave's roomie for a while down here in charleston. really fun wedding... er, drunk... the bartenders knew how to make a hell of a vodka drink. dave and i went over to his friend's house for a hot minute and then went to meet candle, opie and jayson out at gene's. of course. well, we were just driving when all of a sudden it was smelly outside. this is what happened:
nicole: (turns off radio completely and rolls down window. closes eyes and takes a big deep breathe)
dave: um, why did you have to turn off the radio to smell?
nicole: (without skipping a beat) i had to focus my senses!!
dave pretty much just shook his head and rolled his eyes. i probably said something like "whatever, you love me and you're gonna marry me. so there." i was pretty much wasted at this point.
we got to gene's and i think i basically just bumbled around all night. i watched jayson inhale this beautiful plate of loaded cheese fries and only had to steal one in the process. i kept telling myself that fries would taste better than beer and that would mean i would stop drinking, which would mean i would get sober. and no one wants to be sober. so, somehow i had the willpower to ignore the vitamin g. vitamin g, as i was so kindly introduced to, is grease... just a funnier way to say it. you can also accumulate vitamin g at the awful waffle, as randy - one of dave's fun friends - explained to us. and the awful waffle is waffle house, which makes sense, but damn i did not understand that at the time.
dave and i left gene's at some point... duh.. whatever, and we went to mcdonalds. ugh, why? well they were only serving #2, 3 and 10. and holy crap, dave and i argued all the way to the window about what the hell #10 was. i thought it was chicken nuggets; dave thought it was a fish sandwich. dave finally broke down and asked the window chick what the hell a #10 consisted of... i was right! it was chicken! aha! as soon as she said "chicken nuggets" i did the bratty, "told ya sooo!" thing. then again said something like "whatever, you love me. fiance." i hated myself in the morning for eating 9 pounds of burgers and fries at 2:00am. i was bloated for like, 3 days. gross. dave still wants to go back and recheck that particular menu to see who was right. i still believe that i was. i usually am. ha.
moral of the story: use receipts to record funny happenings.