The Napkin Diaries

last night we celebrated catherine's belated birthday. first we went to the mustard seed in mt. p with a group of her friends for some dinner and drinks. well, actually dave and i went for a bottle of wine. we were drunk by 9:00. we're lushes. and honestly, i'm still drunk. and its noon. i'm "working from home" today. so is dave. poor catherine. she's working at work.
okay after the mustard place. catherine, dave and i went to gene's. her friend charlie joined us, but he only made it through one jager bomb and one pumkin pie tasting beer before he peaced out on us. us three, however, closed the place down and made friends with bartender miranda. the curly haired one. you know, well, you probably don't. sorry, im drunk.
i came home with three receipts worth of funny shit. so here come the stories...
okay really, we started ordering shots like they were providing us with life. like, if we didnt drink them, we would die, when in actuality, because we drank so many, we might all die today. we really have to remember to chose life... well, catherine ordered the "chocolate cake" shot. eww. it actually does taste like chocolate cake, but i have issues with clearish shots (eww, i might not be able to write this blog right now because typing "shot" makes my stomach flop around a little.... time out)

okay, time in. well, the chocolate shot arrived and dave was like, "is this going to hurt my tooth?" see, dave has this tooth, a sweet tooth if you will, that makes him unable to eat anything chocolate because it hurts. sometimes i wish i had this tooth because i would be like 40 pounds skinnier... whatever. so he asked if it would hurt his tooth and my response is "no. it's going to hurt your world." i wasn't lying.
catherine got her pen out at this point and started to try to write on the table. well, instead of ink... it just kind of carved instead, so she went with that. now half of all of our names are on the table in genes. her logic was that if she only wrote half our names, no one would know it was us. i blame the chocolate shot for this logic. well catherine is carving and dave threw his knife onto the table...
dave: that's all i do at work!
both cather (as she so carved her name) and i both said at the same time: carve?
dave: no. i'm in a knife club.
the conversation continued. the shots continued as well. we had some royal flushes and bomby bombs and more vodka/waters, vodka/tonics and jack/cokes... and i guess we were talking about how dave might have to travel for work. this conversation happened:
dave: i might have to be in japan.
nic: ohhh??
dave: yeah. i told you about okanawa.
nic: okanawa is in japan? ... i thought it was like, in missouri...
catherine: okanawa, missouri.
all the while, keep in mind that we are shoved into this teeny booth back in the corner where miranda would sporadically appear with more drinkies. she came back with a fresh round and i started squeezing my lime so my vodka would taste like lime vodka instead of regular vodka and i completely squirted catherine in the eye. i know because she said "you just hit me in the eye!" i said, "oh noo!!" but catherine then told me, "no! i liked it." so it was okay that i hit her with acidic juice in her pretty little eye because she loves me.
between the three of us, we racked up a $133 tab. god we were drunk. we decided to walk back to catherine's house. its right behind gene's... i turned into a flippin thief. maybe i shouldn't tell this part of the story... oh who cares. so we're walking down the road and i yank this tiki torch-like candle pole out of some store's potted plant. then i sprinted while screaming, "uh oh! i hope i'm not on video!" i then came across a sign that said "vote for someone" in another potted plant. or perhaps a yard. i took that too. then i took a road cone. but then i traded it for a prettier road cone. i left all three objects next to catherine's door. um, happy birthday? we ate some cool-pops or icy pops or freezy pops or whatever the fuck pops you want to call them. and we just continued to laugh and be drunk and look at myspace and tell each other how much we love the other one. dave continued sharing his funny ass stories from high school that consist of how people got pooped on... he actually told that story because i think catherine said something like "i got spit on" and we heard "i got shit on" so then dave told the story of how a lot of his friends actually did get shit on at the same time by this guy in high school. eww. thats gross, im not tellng anymore of that. ask dave for details if you want them, what the hell was i talking about before this? damnit now i have to go reread what i wrote. oh yeah, cool-pops. they wer delicious. then we all walked back to gene's to get our cars. what the fuck, i know. why we didnt just take them in the first place is beyond me too. oh, before we left cather's house, haha, cather... i tried to stick the tiki pole into her yard. well, i failed to notice that the top part had this ceramic frog like fixture attached to it and so when i slammed it into the solid earth below, the fucking frog split in half and inevitably split my hand skin in half too. now i have this freaking cut across my hand. for a minute i thought i needed a hospital. im gay. the cut is less than a tucker scratch. and i probably deserve it for stealing the ceramic tiki frog pole anyway.
catherine told me that she tried to go to mcdonalds but even though they are open 24 hours, they were closed. fucking liars. but a number 10 is chicken and 11 is fish. thanks, catherine. told you so, dave! ha.
dave and i passed the fuck out. and apparently i took off all my clothes in a corner. i dont know why i stood in the corner, but i did. we woke up drunk as shit. seriously, catherine, i'm so sorry you had to work today.
that's disgusting. i was silly morning drunk and started clapping my feet.
nic: have you ever clapped your feet like a seal? (proceeded to make seal-barking noises)
dave: seals dont have feet!! gah! and then he rolled over on the floor and grunted at me. yeah, he just laid on the floor for like 2 hours this morning. mostly because i was diagonally across the bed and tucker kept attacking my toes so he was probably safer down there. then i tried to sit up, but i had to lay back down because i was too dizzy. nic: ooooh! i feel like a weeble wobble! don't you feel like a weeble wobble??
dave: i feel like crap.
nic: weebles wobble but they dont fall down!
now we are both laying on the living room floor reeking of vodka and death. i fucking love you dave and catherine. i love you too gene's. and vodka. and cool-pops. i fucking love cool-pops. the end.

okay seriously, what the hell. okay, i get sucked into info-mercials, like, a lot. and one day or night, i don't remember and it's irrelevant anyway, i made dave watch the pro-active commercial with me. you know, you see all the ugly zitty people first then you see how beautifully they have transformed. whatever. so we decided we want to use it. no, i don't have bad skin and neither does he, we're just dumb and like to spend our money.
so during our $202 shopping spree at walmart the other night, dave picked up the loreal equivalent of pro-active. and we began to use it. well, i guess i didn't really read the warnings or ask dave what was going to happen, but ohmygod, i look like a 14 year old boy going through puberty! ugh. okay, maybe not that bad, but my face did explode a little. and that has never happened in my life. like, maybe once a month i might get a bump on my chin or forehead, but that's all. so having like 5 at once is just ungodly to me.
well, ha, it took me like 20 minutes to do make-up this morning so i could cover up my disasters... and there is this one mean one in particular. you know you've all had it too. its the one right under your nose. well, mine is so monstrous that my lip has actually swollen and now when i smile, well, my smile is crooked. i cannot make kissy lips because it hurts my zit. i cannot talk properly because it hurts my zit. i couldn't even brush my teeth normally. wtf. seriously. i'm so pissed. remind me to start saving my money and to not fuck with things that are not broken. like my face. gaaahh.

This past weekend Dave and I traveled (one hellacious journey, at that) to Clemson to see our favorites. We figured we could make a mini-engagement party out of it. Driving was a bitch. Seriously, why can't people get out of the passing lane when they are not passing? And why would you get into the passing lane when you can obviously see a truck coming at you doing about 90? Idiots. So needless to say, we were pissed by the time we got to the 102. It immediately got better, though -- like really, before we could park, Shawn was hugging Dave through the window and Erin was pretty much in my lap. Joe and Michael were screaming from the balcony. And I think Candle had her drink up in the air "woooing" at us. Damn, we have awesome friends.
So we proceed to drink some Evan and Cheerwine. Yes, it is actually a delicious combination. Who knew? Well, I guess Joe did since he made all of my drinkies for me. I think we were all drunker than we thought because the following things occurred, and I'm not certain of the order of the debachery:

1. Joe and I stood on the furniture and sang/screamed Toxic. We tried to pretend like we were at Karaoke Tuesday. Not quite the same. But at least it was the Nic and Joe show and not the __ and Joe show... as Joe put it when he attempted to perform without me one disasterous Tuesday night. Aww. I miss Ed Miller.
2. Someone decided that throwing poker chips into the ceiling fan was the best idea, like ever. So we started with the poker chips. Then we added a deck of cards. Then Joe's shoe. And then the tailgate chairs. Most everyone got something lobbed at their face. Thankfully we were all slightly numb from the "alcool" (as the Engrish ppt show depicted. I think only Joe and Catherine will understand that... but it's still funny and I'm not taking it out.)
3. Joe then thought it would be awesome to use his tongue, yes tongue, to stop the dusty ass fan blades. Apparently Joe's nose is longer than his tongue, though, because it was his nose that stopped the fan instead. Really, Joe, what the fuck were you thinking? I mean, it was funny as hell, so you do what you want.
4. Michael and I busted out the Cononie Shake. It was glorious.
5. Dave and I busted out the "River Runs Through It" dance. We need a better name for it... any suggestions? Jayson told us the next day that sometimes he's not sure if he should watch when we do that.
6. Joe gave Corey a shoe wedgy. And was eerily proud of this.
7. Michael, Joe and I ate cheese with some eggs and sausage underneath it. Best drunk breakfast ever. And sorry Dave, for using your head as my table... I guess you shouldn't fall asleep in my lap right before feeding time.
8. I had a back popping session with Shawn the chiropractor. I can stand up straight again. Thanks, Shawn.

More funny stuff probably happened. But I got drunk. It happens.
We tailgated all day Saturday. We were in Ingles at like 10:15 buying loads of beer and hamburgers. It was pretty. Not pretty funny. Just pretty. We brought a TV and Candle made a bomb ass playlist for us to rock out to all day. And we also brought the freakin Nintendo. Hell. Yes. For whatever reason though, my stomach decided to hate me, therefore causing me sobriety for the entire day. Boo. Dave had to stay sober too because he had to go the library because some doof he works with like completely crashed the entire system and Dave had to come to the rescue. Yay, Dave.
We basically just ate food and took pictures all day. Joe, Michael, Dave and myself decided to skip the game and play Mario instead. It was fabulous.
So yay for a good weekend with good friends and good times. I really miss Erin and Joe. Like whoa. But I guess I will settle for fabulous weekends if I must. Love you people. Oh yeah, and go Tigers! Way to kick some stupid LA Tech ass.

On a complete side note -- I apoligize for my use of capitalization. I have a job now that requires correct grammar... well, actually, they might not care, but I don't want to look like an idiot. So now I use the shift key again. Damn.

Okay, so I have gaim, the cooler version of aim, not really, it's just what Dave put on my computer. I like it. Whatever. Well, gaim lets you scroll over your buddy's names and it gives you info like what your away message is and how long you've been online and if you're idle. Woo. Well, I was mindlessly scrolling, and I stopped on Erin's name. This is what it said: Logged in: 49709 days, 14 hours and 9 minutes. What? So I sent her an IM that said this: I just clicked on your name and it said you've been logged in for 49709 days, 14 hours and 9 minutes. Have you even been alive that long? Seriously, is that even possible? I think gaim hiccuped and forgot how to calculate time.

Sunday was the day before our one-year anniversary. Dave and I spent it at the pool with three of the coolest people on the planet: Candle, Catherine and Opie. We had some drinkies and just hung out. That night, Dave and I went to Sullivan's Island to eat at this restaraunt that Candle and Opie rave about called Poe's. Which by the way, was awesome. You can get rare burgers. Or medium rare.. how I like it. I got a little nervous when Dave was like "lets just go drive around," thinking that he had something planned. No. We actually just drove around.
We came home and started playing Nintendo. At 12:07, Dave came back into the living room (I think he had just been in the kitchen... or in the bedroom getting the ring...) and he said "Stand up." I was like "Why" He was like, "Stand up. I want to give you a hug. It's officially our anniversary." So I paused Dr. Mario and stood up to tell him I loved him so much and say happy anniversary. Dave then made some comment about how we will have the rest of our lives to play Nintendo... Then he took a deep breath, put his right hand in his pocket and as he was pulling out a ring box, he was getting down on one knee! I made some type of squealish noise and I think I said "Really?!" Then Dave said, "Will you marry me, Nicole?" and he opened the box to show me the ring. I actually only glanced at the ring and immediately said "Of course I will marry you!!" I held my hand out so he could put the ring on my finger and then I got down on my knees to hug him and kiss him. I was probably only kneeling for about 3 seconds before I was like "Um, can I sit all the way down because I'm really hot?" Typical Nicole. Seriously.
We sat down on the floor staring at the ring, then back at each other, then we would say "Oh my god, you're my FIANCE" By the way, fiance is our new favorite word of choice. The ring is so amazing. Dave's family has had diamonds for generations, so I get to wear the family jewels now. They are considered European cut (which resembles brilliant rounds) and the man who appraised the diamonds said he had never seen diamonds of this type more beautiful than the ones Dave had. Holy hell. The ring is 5 diamonds, platinum setting and 1.68 carats total. Seriously, I gained 3 pounds when I put that bling on my finger. He had it completely custom made. Because the diamonds are all unique, it took about 16 hours to design the ring. There is subtle, elegant engraving around the sides and the detail is absolutely amazing.
Dave told me that he had called to ask my Dad earlier that night to ask him if he could ask me to marry him. I absolutely love that he did the traditional thing and asked my Dad. And he was a sneak about it too. When we had come home from dinner, Dave grabbed the crossword puzzle and headed to the bathroom to do "business." I thought nothing of it. He came out really quickly though, so I asked if he was okay. He just said "false alarm" and I laughed at him and thought nothing of it. That's when he had gone to call my Dad. He said asked him and of course Dad said that he thinks the world of Dave and would love nothing more than for him to ask me to marry him and then Dave was like "Thank you so much. I have to go now because I am so nervous that I don't know what else to say." How freakin cute is that?!
We stayed up until 3:00 calling each other fiance and looking at my amazing new engagement ring. ENGAGEMENT RING! When I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom mirror, I paused only to say "It's like a rave when I brush my teeth," referring to how ridiculously shiny my 5, yes 5, diamonds are. Ohmygod, I'm so lucky!

I decided to skip class Monday night to officially celebrate our "new" anniversary -- the day David proposed. He took me out to Shem Creek to eat at this really nice restaraunt called Water's Edge. We ordered a bottle of wine, had crab dip, grouper, filet mignon and the most amazing peach creme brulle ever. Of course we ended up getting a buzz from our decievingly large bottle of wine that I had picked out. Of course I picked the one with the naked tree ladies on the label too. Hey whatever, the crazy tree nudests got us tipsy; so we ran with it. We went downtown to Henry's to grab some drinks and then retreated back to Gene's to finish out the night. We played Engagement Connect Four, Engagement Yahtzee and Engagement Scrabble. Which basically meant, we didn't really keep score and we just kept talking about being each other fiance. Oh we were so fabulously sappy. Love it.
Neither of us cried. I think we were too happy to cry. And both of us agree that we are in shock about it all. I mean, I look at this ring and say "Dave is my fiance" and I just can't believe it's true. I'm going to marry my perfectly ideal finance. FIANCE! Dave is my FIANCE! We're ENGAGED! HOLY FREAKIN CRAP! I didn't know that I could love someone like this and I didn't know I could be this happy. I thank God for putting Dave in my life. He is my soulmate. And now I get to be with him forever.