Guess what? This is the last of the Mexico Mini Series!
Okay so everyone remembers the adorable monokini right?
Well it was definitely a hit. However, it could also be classified as a hell of a miss too. Let me explain.
Okay, so those who know me [and/or have read that little blurb over on the right-hand side about me] know that I'm kinda retardedly obsessed with tanning. Don't judge. Some people have cigarettes, some are sex addicts and me? Well, I'm tanorexic. It could be worse. Deal with it. I keep telling myself that "when I grow up" I will "grow out of it." Well, I'm 26 and cannot see any forthcoming developments in the "growing the hell up" category. Meh.
I had been warned by Husband that Mexican sun is not the same as Charleston sun, so my SPF 4 was going to need to be upgraded to SPF 30. Humph. Fiiiiine. So I bought SPF 30 and 45. And I wore them on the first couple of days.
And then I noticed that my skin was not yet rivaling the Mexicans. And this was a severe problem.
Time for Nic's Plan B: NO SPF. So, for the first 4 hours one day, I opted for no SPF. I was in a regular bikini, so I had regular tan lines and very burnt forearms, but other than that, I was bronzed! Yesss, my plan was working! I put on some SPF after the hour 4 mark since my arms were crispy.
The next day, I decided to go the No sunscreen route again. And this time in the monokini. Okay, why I didn't see this coming is beyond me and I totally blame all those Miami Vice nom nom drinks for skewing my better judgement [if I even possess "better" judgement]. So, I laid by the pool alllll day. Sippin on my M-Vices and getting some serious tan skin. Yeah, tan skin on all the places that the monokini did not cover.
You see where I'm going with this, don't you?
You see where I'm going with this, don't you?When I returned to our swanky ass room, I peeled of my pears and to my dismay, had perfect monokini tanlines.
Moron.
Husband shouts through his hysterical laughter: You have racing stripes! You're Ricky Bobby! I'm calling you Ricky Bobby for the rest of the trip! Bahahahaha *pointing & laughing. Riiiiicky Booooobby!
So, I went with it and conjured up a dialect of Ricky Bobby-isms and blurted such things as:
I like speed
I like to go fast
Dear sweet baby Jesus in yer little ghost manger
Don't you stick that knife in yer leg, Ricky Bobby
And my favorite - Don't you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby!
What's a bit ironic is that earlier in the week, Husband and I [for whatever dumbass reason] were quoting Ricky Bobby - we were bumbling around the resort talking like rednecks proclaiming that one or the other better not put that evil on one or the other. Strange [referring to the irony... and possibly just ourselves also].
And there you have it; Mexico the Mini Series as told by Nic. Err, I mean Ricky Bobby [because I so totally still have those asinine stripes].
7/16/2009
You still have the stripes?! I would have thought you'd do strategic SPF combos and tanning beds to correct that by now. :P
7/21/2009
Ricky Bobby...You knew better. Im disappointed in you-not once did you order a mtn. dew and malibu. You earned your racing stripes by cheating. HAHHA.
and please thump yourself in the head for NOT WEARING ANY SPF! I WILL NOT COME TO YOUR FUNERAL IF YOU LOOK LIKE AN OLD HANDBAG AND HAVE SPOTS LIKE A CHEETAH BECAUSE YOU DIDNT WEAR SPF. AND YES IM IN CAPS BECAUSE IM SCREAMING AT YOU TO STOP THIS DESTRUCTIVE TANOREXIA BEHAVIOR AND SLATHER ON SOME SPF 95 LIKE I DO!
DO IT!
:)
7/23/2009
You made me laugh SO hard! I am soooo glad I stumbled across your blog!
8/08/2009
Nee. Husband and I are hysterically laughing right now. That has to be the funniest account of bad tan lines ever! I knew I loved you for some reason!! And I now know why I never bought one of those crazy suits!