The Napkin Diaries

saturday night, dave and i decided to introduce candle and opie to the purple tree ultra lounge. for those of you who don't know or have never experienced the purple tree, it's pretty much the coolest bar in charleston. you can sit in a booth and stare at all the idiots on the dance floor, go be an idiot on the dance floor, or be a combination of the two.
people tend to get exceptionally wasted in this bar for some reason. perhaps because they have bartenders such as the one we had who only charged us $18 for 3 liquor drinks, 2 jager bombs, 4 sex on the beach shots, 3 shots of some liquor i like to call death, 2 beers and some other date rape type shot. thank you drunk bartender.
well, apparently drunk bartender gave drunk customer too many drunk drinks because the a-holes in the booth next to us let their stupid drunk friend puke pretty much all over the place. i mean this girl was a trashcan. so we tell a bouncer because really, who wants to smell that? so yeah, dave rounds up a bouncer and the girls at the booth get all pissy. so dave sits back down with us and flicks them off for a good 4 minutes. all the while, i am just laughing and encouraging him. candle however, took a smarter approach to the situation... and entered into fight-mode. she's all like, "shit, we might be fightin' in a minute" so in one swift motion, candle pulls her hair back, takes out her earrings and bucks up. i follow her lead, although not nearly as gracefully, and yank out my earrings and fumble around for a hair tie. of course i forgot one and immediately panic. candle had back-up though. apparently, she comes prepared for girl fights... just incase.
the bitches and hoes eventully left the bar. dave removed his middle finger from the air once they were gone and candle and i put our earrings back in once the coast was clear. ha. we almost got into a girl bar fight. oh and dave and i accidentally got smashed. ha. i love charleston and all its ridiculousness.

yay, i got to see what's left of the clemson gang last night. i haven't seen erin and joe since i moved over a month ago - sad, man. it was so weird being back in clemson. i definitely felt like i had "outgrown" it -- that, or i am just excited and happy to be in charleston, so i don't necessarily miss "clemson." i do, however, miss me some erin and joe like whoa.
we are all such light weights now. it's laughable. joe and i were drunk off the fabulous champagne spritzers i introduced you people to a few blogs ago by 6:00...in the afternoon. lord.
we got to run into 40 Friend Zach and Mills and Snider, and that always equals a good time. Zach chose to bite instead of hug, however, so the side of my face and my shoulder blade are slightly bruised... damnit, Zach.
of course, we had to make the signature waffle house trip at the end of our evening. joe was particularly hungry and opted to order two meals. my arteries hurt just thinking about the grease. eww.
so yeah, yay for having amazing friends. i hope you know how much you mean to me. and really, you know you have fabulous friendships when you can miss a whole month and be able to go back to the way things always were without ever missing a beat. i love you maniacs.

so its about that time in our lives that we are getting engaged and married or at least planning for it all. some of my friends have gorgeous rings and bridal magazines from floor to ceiling. and i have to admit that i'm definitely guilty of daydreaming about the idea of marriage and having a wedding.
my oldest friend, sheena, got married last night. (yay and congrats!) i've known her for 18 years. we grew up together. even though we went to rival colleges (ewww, usc, gross. ha) we still managed to stay friends. our mothers consider one another to be sisters, and our families get along so well. sheena looked so beautiful, and gah, it made me cry to watch her walk down the isle. i'm so happy for you, sheena.
the reception was so much damn fun! i never realize how much i miss my old high school friends until i see them again. we're so lucky that we still get to see each other and that when we do see each other, its for wonderful occasions, like sheena and luke's wedding. i mean, yay! way way yay.
the most eventful moment of the night was the bouquet toss... because i caught it! YES! while dave did not catch the garter, i will still giddy about my fabulous flower catching skills. matt mullinax actually caught the garter, so we danced together. reminded me of prom. definitely fun.
so yeah, wow. the girls are starting to get married and i just find that to be extremely exciting. so now, i'm gonna go float around the pool and continue my daydreaming...

obviously, all of us have our ways of dealing with stress, life, morons, etc. we all definitely have signs that these types of things are headed our way, too. recently, i have been having terrible dreams that people are trying to kidnap me, hurt me, or vandalize my car. and i've also been encountering debilitating migraines for days in a row.
you may be thinking that i would be crawled up in the fetal position in the corner by this point, but i have chosen an amusing array of alleviating tactics to combat my horrid stress. first, there is the champagn spritzer that i was so kindly introduced to via megan at the pool yesterday. thank god for $4 champange and fresca. who knew? this reliever helped me not feel fat in my bikini, allowed me to dismiss the fact that i have no income or money in general, and conclude that apartment leases and managers are crooked and lawyers can be a real good thing.
GSN can be accredited for stress relieving tactic #2. i mean, how can i possibly worry about idiots that go into the esso looking for me still or if my loan is being approved when classic shows like family feud and whammy are on tv? i'm way too involved in helping players chant for big money to be concerned about my own ishures. not issues.
lastly, i've always been aware that i'm weird. i'm okay with that. the way i chose to forget about pending problems completely validates my weirdness. instead of studying or crying or drinking, today i chose to groom my eyebrows. with scissors. now, for those of you who know me well, you understand that i cannot cut a straight line and that most of the time i cannot cut anything at all due to my left-handedness. i also have a tendency to get angry and attempt to cut my hair and end up with missing chunks. however, i mananged to successfully leave most of my eyebrows in tact and well-positioned. but i mean really, who honestly puts scissors to their own face when in their right frame of mind.
at least i realize that i'm seriously on edge and stressed out. but i appreciate myself for not being a basketcase about it all. however, i have found it challenging to be your own counselor... i'm thinking i might buy some coloring books or paint the apartment next.

So a few days ago, Erin went to check the mail. Pretty normal event. Well, this time, she heard this crazy cat screaming at her from the bushes around the corner. She kinda called the cat to come toward her, and low and behold, guess who came back from the dead?? Twister! The crazy ass cat is still alive. I mean. she stunk like hell and was horribly disheveled, but the littlest beast was okay!

The Return of Twister did a number on Tucker. He got all stressed out when she came back because I think that he thought that she had died. That, or he caught something sketchy from her. Either way, Tucker got sick in a hurry. He's been hacking and experiencing eye ooze for a few days, so we figured it was time to call the vet. Oh, and he lost his voice. Sad.

This morning when I was getting ready, he came into the bathroom with me and jumped into the tub. He actually does this a lot; but this time, he just sat in there and stared at the faucet. Dave and I shrugged at each other and figured we'd turn it on to see what he did. Well, he coughed a little, then stuck his face under the water to get rid of the eye ooze. Smart cat.

Dave and I took the beast to the vet this afternoon. What a freakin' ordeal. Gah. First, we had to fight Tucker to get him into his cage. The bastard absolutely would not go in! So, I put on the collar and leash and decided to carry the brat downstairs. Ugh. I now have bloody shoulders from that idea... So we finally get him and us into the car and he freaks out, which is weird because he is usually good in cars. So there was white cat fur all over my black interior. Awesome. Well, about half way to the vet, I realize that I am riding on empty. Shit. The next time I looked at the gas gauge, there were no bars left! Way shit. The last thing I needed to do was run out of gas on Highway 123 when its 100 degrees outside and I have a very panicked, sick spaz of a cat with me. Luckily I made it to the vet. Now we had to get Tucker inside. We finally shoved him in the cage... by taking the top off... and went inside where we were greeted by Hobbles, the 3-legged cat. I find it wildly hysterical that the vet owns a tripod cat named Hobbles.

So Tucker has some upper respiratory infection that costs me $60. Blah. We leave. We think all is well and we can calm down. Nope. We forgot to lock the door to Tuck's cage and he came bouncing out into the parking lot. Ahhh! Luckily, he didn't run and just got real low... get low get low get low... We scooped him up, encountered more bloody shoulders and got the fuck in the car.

Now, the question was: can we make it to the gas station across the street?? Yes, we can and yes, we did. All the while, Tucker was trying to scream and panting. I was bleeding and sweating and coughing from the Tucker fur I'd ingested. Dave was well enough to get out of the damn car to pump gas. We made it back in one piece, surprisingly, and now both my boys are taking a nap on the bed from their rough ass vet visit. What a disaster...