Mexico: Ricky Bobby Racing Stripes

Guess what? This is the last of the Mexico Mini Series!
Okay so everyone remembers the adorable monokini right?
Well it was definitely a hit. However, it could also be classified as a hell of a miss too. Let me explain.
Okay, so those who know me [and/or have read that little blurb over on the right-hand side about me] know that I'm kinda retardedly obsessed with tanning. Don't judge. Some people have cigarettes, some are sex addicts and me? Well, I'm tanorexic. It could be worse. Deal with it. I keep telling myself that "when I grow up" I will "grow out of it." Well, I'm 26 and cannot see any forthcoming developments in the "growing the hell up" category. Meh.
I had been warned by Husband that Mexican sun is not the same as Charleston sun, so my SPF 4 was going to need to be upgraded to SPF 30. Humph. Fiiiiine. So I bought SPF 30 and 45. And I wore them on the first couple of days.
And then I noticed that my skin was not yet rivaling the Mexicans. And this was a severe problem.
Time for Nic's Plan B: NO SPF. So, for the first 4 hours one day, I opted for no SPF. I was in a regular bikini, so I had regular tan lines and very burnt forearms, but other than that, I was bronzed! Yesss, my plan was working! I put on some SPF after the hour 4 mark since my arms were crispy.
The next day, I decided to go the No sunscreen route again. And this time in the monokini. Okay, why I didn't see this coming is beyond me and I totally blame all those Miami Vice nom nom drinks for skewing my better judgement [if I even possess "better" judgement]. So, I laid by the pool alllll day. Sippin on my M-Vices and getting some serious tan skin. Yeah, tan skin on all the places that the monokini did not cover.You see where I'm going with this, don't you?

When I returned to our swanky ass room, I peeled of my pears and to my dismay, had perfect monokini tanlines.
Moron.
Husband shouts through his hysterical laughter: You have racing stripes! You're Ricky Bobby! I'm calling you Ricky Bobby for the rest of the trip! Bahahahaha *pointing & laughing. Riiiiicky Booooobby!
So, I went with it and conjured up a dialect of Ricky Bobby-isms and blurted such things as:
I like speed
I like to go fast
Dear sweet baby Jesus in yer little ghost manger
Don't you stick that knife in yer leg, Ricky Bobby
And my favorite - Don't you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby!
What's a bit ironic is that earlier in the week, Husband and I [for whatever dumbass reason] were quoting Ricky Bobby - we were bumbling around the resort talking like rednecks proclaiming that one or the other better not put that evil on one or the other. Strange [referring to the irony... and possibly just ourselves also].
And there you have it; Mexico the Mini Series as told by Nic. Err, I mean Ricky Bobby [because I so totally still have those asinine stripes].

4 Response to "Mexico: Ricky Bobby Racing Stripes"

  1. Queen Amanda Says:

    You still have the stripes?! I would have thought you'd do strategic SPF combos and tanning beds to correct that by now. :P

  2. The Belle Says:

    Ricky Bobby...You knew better. Im disappointed in you-not once did you order a mtn. dew and malibu. You earned your racing stripes by cheating. HAHHA.

    and please thump yourself in the head for NOT WEARING ANY SPF! I WILL NOT COME TO YOUR FUNERAL IF YOU LOOK LIKE AN OLD HANDBAG AND HAVE SPOTS LIKE A CHEETAH BECAUSE YOU DIDNT WEAR SPF. AND YES IM IN CAPS BECAUSE IM SCREAMING AT YOU TO STOP THIS DESTRUCTIVE TANOREXIA BEHAVIOR AND SLATHER ON SOME SPF 95 LIKE I DO!

    DO IT!

    :)

  3. Gabby Says:

    You made me laugh SO hard! I am soooo glad I stumbled across your blog!

  4. Amber Dixon Says:

    Nee. Husband and I are hysterically laughing right now. That has to be the funniest account of bad tan lines ever! I knew I loved you for some reason!! And I now know why I never bought one of those crazy suits!