The Chomp Chain

I know, I know, I've been MIA and it's completely unacceptable. I blame my job 100% for throwing me the most bat.shit.crazy week of my life last week. I think I had a nervous breakdown on Wednesday. Here's hoping that this week I make it to at least Thursday.
Whatever.. that's [somewhat] irrelivant as it's not really fun news and doesn't have a damn thing to do with the chomp chain.

So... the chomp chain. Okay, so I'm a big nerd. Seriously. I had to pause Dr. Mario on gray-box Nintendo 3 years ago so that my [now] husband could propose to me. I play old school video games way more than any give 26 year old working woman should. We even have those Gamer Chairs that rock [literally, like back-and-forth, not like "ohmygah, these chairs are awesome," I mean, they are awesome, but they rock too...] and we have wireless controlers.

So... the chomp chain... I'll get to my point. Just give me a few more paragraphs. We have Wii. [That's a hilarious sentence.] And on Wii, there is a game called Mario Party. For those of you unfortunate enough to have not yet experienced the Mario Party, let me explain:

First, you get a group of 4 nerds, such as Nic, Husband, Brudder & Billy.
Then you fix your drink of choice.
Then you fight for a Gamer Chair.
Then you select your stupid little character.
And then, you guys all race around this little e-board and challenge each other in little mini-duals.
One such dual is quite possibly the most foul thing to hit Nintendo in all it's 20+ years of life.

What is this dual?
None other than Scrubbin' the Chomp Chain.

You remember the chomp chain, right? It's that scary cannon ball with teeth tied to a chain. He tries to bite your ass every time you get near him.
Okay, so the idea of the game is to wash off as much paint as you can - apparently a group of a-hole paint-ballers attacked the chomp chain and now he's a rainbow of disaster. Why you actually want to get him clean after he's been trying to attack you all these years is beyond me.
And how might you clean the chomp chain, you ask?

You totally bust out your best jack-off motion. I shit you not. The faster you can jam your Wii remote up-and-down, the faster you clean your dirty little chomp chain and the closer you are to victory [and perhaps orgasm. Hey, whatever floats your boat, right?]

Funny how a man always seems to win at this challenge.

So needless to say, this ridiculous little game became a topic of conversation at a happy hour a few weeks ago, and now it's one big running joke. Think of every bad phrase you have for whacking off... and now add one more: scrubbin' the chomp chain.


And on a side note, our friends Richard & Angel just got back from NYC and visited Nintendo World. And can you guess what they brought back for us as soveigners?? CHOMP CHAIN key chains!


I'm a nerd. One big chomp chain scrubbin' nerd.

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