Lobster Nic


Yesterday Husband and I joined 4 of our friends for a day at the beach. As most days at the beach go, I covered myself in tanning oil (SPF 4 - hey, it counts!), leaned my chair back almost all the way, put my giant sunglasses on my face and cranked up my "party" play list on the i-pod. The boys lasted all of 5 minutes before getting up to go do something. Their first activity of the day was Boccie Ball. What started out as a very normal game, turned into them kicking 5 lb. balls with their bare feet half way across the beach. Boys *lowers eyebrows & shakes head back and forth slowly. After Boccie Ball lost it's novelty, they moved on to digging. Digging for crabs. Billy picked the closest crab hole he could find, got down on all fours, and turned his hand into a shovel. And out ran a nasty little white crab with big googly black eyeballs. Much like this guy:Gives me the heebie-jeebies. And he ran right under the poor guy's chair in front of that crab hole Billy had just ambushed. Luckily, there were tiny children everywh... wait, that's never a lucky situation... but one had a dump truck and the other had a bucket and thus, the ugly little guy was captured (crab, not child with dump truck). Nobody wants pinched toes (*touches fingers to thumbs "I peench"). So Billy used the florescent pink bucket to capture the critter and then parade it around the beach to show all who were curious. He let him go after a little while... and then he chased him... and then really let him go. And then he proceeded to dig for more crabs. Right behind our chairs!! Ack! No thank you! After unsuccessful attempts in two of the biggest crab holes he could find, all boys lost interest and ran flailing toward the water. Okay, the didn't really flail but they did walk down there like a pack of maniacs. Which technically they are. I later learned that they attempted P90x X-Jacks in the water. *Shakes head again.
Luckily (for real this time), Jules was at the beach and has the same idea of fun as I do: sit on ass and do nothing. We just gossipped and watched our husbands and friends act like lunatics. Oh, and keep in mind, no one had a single beer until about 2-3 hours into this trip. So all the antics were done completely sober.
I continued to lather myself in my carrot-extract-infused grease and soak up sunshine. It wasn't until later that night that I realized I had not rotated early enough in the day. Which is why I am now a 1/2 lobster. I have a lovely red hue permeating from my body. My chest and shoulders are somewhat scarlet, my arms are red and even my hands are burnt! My kneecaps match my arms and my nose matches my chest. BUT the rest of my face looks even worse! Okay, apparently I missed an inch of face around my hair line, so I have a florescent "halo," if you will (ha, me with a halo!). And then like I said, my nose is scorched, but my cheeks are still white since I insist on gigantic celebrity sunglasses. And then the worst part is this weird tan I got on my upper lip?! Apparently that was the only place I correctly applied the sunscreen because that was the only place that tanned, however that tan looks like a puberty-ridden 14 year old boy's excuse for a mustache?! I have a tan-stache?! WTF? My face basically just looks dirty. All I have to say is thank GOD for make-up. Lots and lots of "mustache" covering make-up.
Fingers crossed that an all-hands meeting is not held anytime this week before about Thursday. *Smacks forehead.

2 Response to "Lobster Nic"

  1. Queen Amanda Says:

    LMAO!! You and your tanning cracks me up. :D

  2. The Belle Says:

    the ugly little guy was captured (crab, not child with dump truck).

    The mere fact that you have to explain to the blogerverse that you meant the CRAB was thus captured and tormented all day should be sufficient enough in telling the world just what a crazy lunatic you Charlestonians really are.
    Which is why...we love you.