Coffee & Cakesters

Uhh, that was my breakfast. Apparently, I've fallen into the "ohmygah I'm so bored with everything that I hardly know what to do with myself" category. Crap. My following wordy-ass paragraphs of crap will prove that I have fallen victim to this highly disadvantageous (is that a even a word?) category so you can basically just call me cah-RAY-zee.

So I'm bored. Really retardedly bored. To prove my boredom: I went to WAL-MART! WTF. Seriously. I actually think the last time I willingly set foot in a Wal-Mart was in December 2007. It was ugly. I was trying to make copies of my wedding pictures and of course it was a mad shit house in there because it was Christmas time... I had to wait in line behind this bitch with 400 photos she needed to copy... I had about 5. So whatever, I made the copies and went to pay and they double charged me, so I corrected them. Then, they decided to look at my pictures, deem them "too professional" and refused to give them to me. I'm pretty sure I demanded loudly "what the FUCK do you mean they are too professional?! I have fucking copy right to every.single.one of these god damn pictures!" (I could have pretty much turned green and ripped my shirt off.) Husband grab my elbow and gently escorted me out before (a) I jumped over the counter and punched a bitch or (b) Wal-Mart security escorted me out... in handcuffs. Fuck you, Simpsonville Wal-Mart! *Scrunches nose and waves middle fingers in air!
Whewww, okay man I just got worked up. Shake it off. Shake it off.

Okay, so after a story like that, what the hell would possess me to willingly go back to one of these hell holes? Yep, boredom.
I went in looking for a beach chair. I came out with $116 worth of sun tan lotion and other miscellaneous shit including that new mascara that has color tint to it. Did you know I have hazel eyes?? All this time I thought they were brown. Nope. Wrong. Hazel. Go hold up the little tubes of mascara with an eyeball on the package and tell me mine don't match Hazel. They do. Who knew. Meh.

(Where the hell am I going with this?!)
Oh! Right - the title: Coffee & Cakesters. No wonder I'm a bumbling blabbering moron... I'm all jacked up on caffeine and freaking sugar. My boredom has spilled over into my food choices also. Everything that I typically eat sounds like trash. Who wants a healthy variety of eggs, a tuna sandwich, a fresh salad & steamed veggies and some steak for a day's worth of meals?! Pssshhhh not me. I want freaking Nilla Cakesters, Starbucks Double Shot Energy + Coffee, 13 pieces of assorted Hershey's mini candies, some waffle fries dipped in smokey mustard sauce from Chic-Fil-A, a bowl of homemade mac & cheese, some jello and a some Fat Tire high-gravity beers. And perhaps some Monterrey jack cheese on Wheat Thins. That's what I want! Gimme! (No, I am not pregnant. I am BORED! Bored. Bleh.)
Save me?


3 Response to "Coffee & Cakesters"

  1. Queen Amanda Says:

    So did you get a beach chair? LOL

  2. The Belle Says:

    dude. i can't stop thinking about cakesters now.
    blasted Nicole.

  3. Angel Says:

    Hahahahahahaha! This is by far my favorite one so far