No Pain, No Gain

I figured out what the "P" in P90x stands for: Pain. Yep. P90x is short for Pain 90 times. Husband and I have been slugs for 2 months. We haven't moved. Seriously. Unless you count moving our hands from the table to our mouths to swallow some calorie-ridden cocktail. I was supposed to be down 20 pounds by now. Instead, I'm exactly where I started... in January. Hell.
A co-worker of mine took on the P90x challenge and he actually lost 25 pounds and his wife lost 15. A few other people we know have attempted it and also got good results.
For those of you unfamiliar with P90x, it's an intense, kick-your-ass 90 day work out regimen that focuses on muscle confusion, which apparently is how you can become insanely ripped in just 3 short months. That's if you can pick yourself up off the floor long enough to do 6 workouts a week for an hour to an hour & a half each time.
You're encouraged to try the Fit Test before engaging in Day 1 of P90x. The Fit Test alone takes about 40 minutes and consists of wall sits, pull-ups (which I can do ZERO of. I mean, I can't even get my elbows to bend. I just hang there and whine.), sit-ups and 2 minutes of jumping jacks. I'll give you $10 if you can do 2 minutes of jumping jacks after 35 minutes of other ridiculous little torture tests. We made it through 1 minute before I freaked out because my calves seriously stopped functioning. Oh.the.burn.
So we finished the fit test and deemed ourselves eligible to participate, willingly, in this torture . But before the Fit Test came the most embarrassing part: the "Before" pictures. Uggghhh. I put on my "inspiration" bikini that's been hanging in my bedroom since January - which has obviously only inspired me to drink and be sloth-like - and I wanted to kill myself, just a little bit. Hi, I'm a fatty. And the only way I will ever show those pictures is if I end up looking like some kind of model when I come out at the end of these 90 days of Hell. And that's only a maybe. What a nightmare. Have you ever taken a picture of your back? Bleh. I get so used to bitching about my front, that when I saw what the other half of me looked like I was just like, "oh what the fuck." Okay, you get it, I digress.
So, we did Day 1 of P90x after our Fit Test. 56 minutes of pull-ups and push-ups. That's all. Did you read that correctly?? An HOUR of only push-ups and pull-ups. What.the.Eff. Okay, considering, I can get through about 3 real push-ups, I didn't have high hopes for this attempt. It was ugly. I actually fell onto my stomach trying to do the "Dive Bomber" push up. Yeah, go Google that shit and then try one. I bet you'll look like a moron too. And thank God, they make those sissy resistance bands that you can use to substitute pull-ups, because, it's going to be a good 89 days before I can crank out even 1 of those stupid things.
Needless to say, I'm sore. In a good way. I miss that. I'm so pissed at myself for falling off the work-out wagon, again, for the 100th time, but hell, at least I'm back on and trying again. I'm getting into that stupid Inspiration Bikini even if it kills me.

2 Response to "No Pain, No Gain"

  1. Queen Amanda Says:

    You can do it! Rah rah rah!!! :D

  2. The Belle Says:

    i know of a survivor! She made it all 90 days! you can do it!! Trust me!! YAY! that's an adorable bikini too!!