Get Me Bodied

Manda Pants turned 30 today! Go Shawty. It's your birfday. We had party time for her on Friday night - started at Red's, ended at this interesting little bar called Infuzions. We'll get to that later. Red's started off with some buckets of beer and a giant bucket of oysters. Most people took part in the beer. The oysters, however, were only had by Jay. They thoughtfully brought out little, white, Michael Jackson-ish gloves for him to use too. I still don't understand the concept. The only way I eat oysters is when they happen to end up at the bottom of my shot glass. So whatever.
After a while, Amanda realized she needed to shake her ass. Yes, this is a need, people. Sometimes you get little pangs, like "oh wow, I'm hungry. I need a sammich." Other times, it's a different pang, like "Holy crap. I have to dance. Someone turn on the Cupid Shuffle. Stat." Well, I know of at least 3 women that think like that: myself, Amanda and Emily. Conveniently we were all together and all had the same pang. Hmm.
So we wind up at InfuZions. With a big Z. Whatever. It was close by and they had a DJ. Ahh, the DJ. Okay, so like 10 of us bust in there where there happens to be only about 10 other people in there to begin with. And they're all older women. Cougar weekend at InfuZions, whaaaat?!! We started out with some sake (1 syllable, not 2) (What the hell is sake?!!) (Inside jokes) (I digress) and then we needed to dance, as I had previously mentioned. I asked the DJ to step it up a bit and play something less sucky and more like Pitbull "Krazy." Well, he did. And we took over the "dance floor," ie: the teeny space between the tables and DJ booth. By the way, did anyone else notice how unnecessarily bright it was in there? Turn the lights down. Sheesh. Okay, so we get ridiculous. Like dance-in-the-middle-of-the-circle, show your best moves, ridiculous. DJ played "Get Me Bodied" by Beyonce. Enough said. Someone ground me, seriously.
We obviously made a spectacle of ourselves because 2 things happened:
1. The bartender asked me what shot I wanted - I suggested a round of sake. He explained that he bought this shot for us in an attempt to say sorry for completely staring at me all night. He also told me to tell my husband sorry. Ha.
2. The Cougars at the bar asked me where I learned to dance like that. When I tried to continue the conversation and ask where they were from, it didn't go so well. I was like "so where are you from?" They said somewhere in NC, so I asked "well what are you doing here?" Their response? "Well fuck you." Um what? I just meant like, were you on vacation; not like, what the hell are you doing in my awesome bar/town? Okaaaay.
We later learned that the lovely ladies offered Mr. DJ $500 to go strip for them. Emily and I said this was a terrific idea and he should totally do it. I mean, it is $500 bucks from a bunch of crazy middle-aged women. Hell, I'd do it. Well, maybe.
The night ended when Emily was trying to tie my hair back for me with dental floss since I was sweating so much and Amanda ended up in Jay's lap in full make-0ut mode.
And that, my friends, is how we do.

2 Response to "Get Me Bodied"

  1. Queen Amanda Says:

    Ok so I was there right? Why did I know nothing about the bartender or the cougars with attitude and money to burn?? :P LOL

  2. Nicole Says:

    You were... preoccupied.