Open Bar Birthday Bash

I had the most amazing birthday celebration this weekend! My 24th birthday was last Wednesday, so Dave and I just went to dinner and had a low-key night. The debauchery was to begin Friday night. I was supposed to be at Mad River at 7:30 Friday night -- that's all they told me. I walked in to our little private room to see a slew of fabulous people screaming Happy Birthday at me! There was a humongous cake that could have fed Ethiopia that had blackmailish pictures of me all over it and to wash this cake down, we had 3 hours of freaking OPEN BAR! Let me take this time to thank the one and only Catherine Reid for planning, arranging and organizing this amazing event. Seriously, thank you - no one has ever been so thoughtful or done anything like this/that for me.
As you could imagine, the cake became a face ornament, in that Megan DuPree started another food/beverage fight. She's good at that. Hahah. Needless to say, approximately half of the party ended up with Cake Face. Niiice. Tasty, though. Miss Megan was also responsible for ordering the shots and passing them out... haha. Her response was something like this, "Well, I'm not drinking them, but I'm still damn good at ordering them." And she is - I was buzzed by 8:45.
Jayson delighted me with the funniest freaking birthday gift: the magical Box with a Hole in it for No Good Reason. The hole is actually for penises. Refer to pictures for visual aid.
There was supposed to be a Mystery Guest of the night. I had no idea who to guess, so Catherine surprised me before the Mystery Guest arrived and told me that the MG of the night was none other than DeAnne!! Holy crap, I finally got to meet the girl! Our "club" was complete. We took pictures.
After basically all the under-agers were kicked out or about to be kicked out, we moved on to the Purple Tree. We immediately took over the corner couch and then ran to the bar. I informed our favorite bartender, Jody, that we were celebrating my birthday and then instructed her to create a shot for us. After I ordered the 7th round of Mystery Shot, I asked Jody what the name of it was. She screamed something, but all I could hear was "Alter Ego." And so the birth of the Alter Ego Shot. Mmmm. Red Bull, Vanilla vodka and Peach Schapps. Try it, bitches. You'll love it.
After what should have been $200 dollars worth of Alter Egos, I transformed into stripper mode and insisted on giving everyone lap dances. There are pictures to prove this as well. Damnit. I now understand why the bottom of my foot was bruised... I danced all night, quite possibly on only one foot...
My tab turned out to only be $36. I have no idea how. I love bartender Jody. We moved on to none other than Thee Southern Belle. Duh. I found us some good seats, but then proceded to get unnecessarily angry when I contracted the hiccups. Like I was really mad -- Dave basically smothered me to get rid of them. It worked. We spent the rest of the night informing our friends which strippers were good and which ones we should give our money.
We all woke up with hangovers. Big surprise.
We didn't move until Poe's that night - we had to show everyone the fabulous bloody burgers we so adore. Our waiter was cool - we wanted to be his friend. He chops down trees and shoves them through cat doors when he's drunk. He also buys limos and starts yard fires. He is also fined by the police for these actions on a regular basis.
We laughed all damn night. The entire ride there, brother Michael cracked us up by telling us stories of how he's hurt himself or been hurt over the years. Personal favorite: Michael slammed his own hand into the door of the Big Blue Van we used to own. He began screaming, as slamming one's hand into a large metal object could inflict pain, thus resulting in screaming. Our mother assumed Michael was screaming in fear and began questioning about the "bee." "Michael! Is there a bee? Where's the bee, honey?" No bee, Mom, just Michael's hand rapidly breaking in our massive van door...poor Michael.
The Cononies apparently overdid it Friday night because Michael and I were asleep before 11:30. Losers. Dave wasn't far behind. This sleeping did not sound appealing to Joe, Bill and Catherine, as they ventured back to Thee Belle for the second night in a row. Rumor has it Catherine is detoxing after this weekend. I support and understand this decision.
I realize that I have not included any of the hilarious sayings that were said over the course of our drunkness. Why, you ask? I was too drunk to remember and too drunk to remember to even write the funny shit down. Please post in the comment section any funny shit you need us to remember.
Thank you again to Catherine, Dave, Megan, Joe, DeAnne, Michael, Jayson, Liz, Noel, (Shawn and Elisabeth for trying) and any other maniac drunks that were part of this weekend. My friends kick bee ass. Love you, you sluts.

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