This is Fun

Thus far, 2007 has been extremely drunk. To start off the New Year, my company had a Christmas party that cost us over $600 and ended the night at the strip club in the back room with Cookie purring in my ear. Two nights later was New Year's Eve, where David was unaware that 2 hours had passed by after midnight and he thought that we still had not seen the ball drop. I guess that's one way to ring in the new year -- not even realize you rang the damn thing in.
I guess now the goal is to upstage every weekend in 2007. So far, that plan is working beautifully. This past weekend, Billy and Elliott came down from NC to celebrate Billy's birthday. Shawn and Elisabeth also came down from Clemson to come play with us. We had one full house, that's for sure. The weekend officially started at about 3:00 AM Wednesday morning when Bill and Elliott arrived. It took Billy all of 4 minutes before he opened the refrigerator to find 48 glorious jello shots before him. I think he sucked down 6 right then and there.

Thursday night the four of us went to dinner and then to Gene's for $70 worth of Amstel Lite and table shuffle board. We met up with Amy (my fabulously awesome work buddy) and her friends, Chris Jones and Emily. And yes, you have to call him Chris Jones. Don't ask questions. I guess you could consider the night a success based on the mere fact that both Billy and I puked. I mean, we obviously had our fair share of fucking jello and other miscellaneous shots and drinks. Man, I hate puking though. I guess I will strive for the pukeless year in 2008 since I already blew it one week into 2007. Oops.
Friday night, Shawn and Elisabeth joined the debauchery. We took everyone out to Poe's for delicious burgers. It was awesome to go back there since that was were Dave and I ate our last dinner as just a couple and not an engaged couple. Aww. We decided to take it easy Friday night since Thursday almost killed us. Well, it at least put a dent in our funds. So we invited Amy and company back over and also Miss DuPree for some board games and beer. We spent hours playing card games, Cranium and What the Fuck. And really, I am not sure the last time we all laughed quite so hard. For those of you that remember, WTF was a game that I received at the Esso Christmas party last year, and it also happened to be the game that Chris Jones brought over. I cracked up that someone else also owned this fabulously tacky/trashy/raunchy game. The questions consisted of hypotheticals such as: would you pull out all your teeth for one million dollars? Or which would you rather hang from your Xmas tree: live mice or used tampons? We finished off the night with Jackass the movie. Did I mention we turned this into a Pajama Party? Well we did. We all managed to overstuff ourselves at dinner and came home and immediately shed ourselves of jeans and cute tops and settled for velour pants and oversized college and/or suggestive t-shirts. I opted to not wear the Jager tshirt, as I have a tendency to vomit while sporting the damn thing... ironically, I wore it Thursday night to bed...
Saturday we went downtown to wander around and attempt to rid ourselves of some of the fat we packed on this weekend thus far. I'm not sure what exactly provoked it, but everyone was so EMO. It turned into a running joke... Billy was listening to his ipod and walking around -- yep, we deemed him EMO. I wore black nail polish -- so EMO. Dave had road rage - totally EMO. Elliott wore all black -- fucking EMO. It didn't matter what the hell you were doing, you were emo. And that's final. We went to dinner at Bubba Gump's then came back, got pretty and called our cabs. Hell yeah, no one has to be DD if they don't want to be! Genius idea. Luckily Shawn brought half of his closet and was able to dress both Billy and Elliott since they both only brought their emo wardrobes. Shawn brought his pretty princess clothes, so all was well. Elisabeth and I got to rock out our hottie headbands that we bought at the market earlier that day. Oh we were cuties, let me tell ya.

So we took our cab (and Amy's car) to Purple Tree. Duh. Everyone had an awesome time. From what I gathered, everyone loved the Tree. I'm glad. I really wanted to show all of our wonderful out-of-towners a bombass time. Seems like the mission was accomplished. Once the "Mondays" took over the club and we could no longer breathe, we decided it might be time to head to Thee Southern Belle. This was after I was sure to give Dave an amazing lap dance in attempt to show the rest of our friends what the strippers were going to do to all of us. Little did I know that I would be the only one receiving the type of attention from strippers that I just gave to David...
So we pile in the fucking taxi van. Oh yes, van. And we get to blare Bon Jovi "Living on a Prayer" and scream to one another the whole way there. Well, Dave didn't scream, he instead counted how many railroad tracks we had to pass before we got to the nudey bar. It's 3, by the way. Just in case we ever need to go again, or something. Lucky us, we came to the Belle the same night as Miss Pussy Polaroid came too! Seriously. Not even kidding. This crazy bitch got up there, and for $10, you could sit in the chair while she either did a handstand with her goodies in your face, perched on your shoulder like a fucking parrot, or grinded on you completely ass naked. And then you got to keep the picture! WTF. Who does that? Well, apparently Billy decided to partake in the insanity. We were sure to post the obscene photo on the fridge when we got home. Holy God... So the remainder of the night was spent with small clusters of us crowding the stage in hopes of getting to motor boat the naked girls. Okay, well that's what the boys wanted... instead, it turned out that all the girls were in love with me. Seriously, one stripper took my entire boob out and gave the place a show, 3 more put my face in their boobies and shook me around ( I was dizzy a few times), and about 2 more girls put my boobs in their face. Good.God. Once we realized that I was favored by the girls, all the boys would come up with me because we knew that we could get her to come to our side of the stage... needless to say, everything smelled like strippers for about 30 hours after we left.
I think we made it home by 5:00 AM. We spent the next morning cracking up and retelling all the details that we could each remember. Between the 8 of us, we could collect all the events of the evening. Now it's Tuesday and I am still trying to recover from the absolute out-of-controllness that was this weekend. Thanks for a fucking awesome time, guys.

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