BONKERS

This weekend Dave and I went to Waynesville. Instead of having a calm, quiet weekend full of family and activities such as hiking, it turned into one big drunken blur. Oops. Gee, who didn't see that coming? Friday night was spent around Billy's kitchen table with a case of beer and a deck of cards. We played like 17 rounds of asshole... we ended up with rules such as "everyone will refer to Nicole as 'Lemon Meringue.'" That was Brandon's rule. I don't know why. Needless to say, we didn't wake up until 1:00 pm on Saturday.
Saturday we just watched Clemson lose to Maryland... damnit and then bought an awesome case of Busch Light. I'm not even kidding. Billy and Brandon came over to Dave's around midnight and we decided that board games were the coolest thing to do for the remainder of the night. Before Billy and Brandon got there though, Dave and I played a few rounds of Guess Who. Remember, its the game where you say "is your person a girl? does your person wear glasses? is your person ugly as shit?" and then you say, 'I know, you're alfred!" Well, we shuffled the deck and, no kidding, Dave picked "David" for the first three games in a row. Had he picked David one more time, we might have had to burn the game and go get Mom.
Once the boys arrived, Dave went to pick out a different game that had drinking-game potential. He chose the game called BONKERS!

Here are the rules: Each player picks 4 cards. These cards say things like "Go forward 12 spaces," "Go back 4 spaces," "Go directly to Score" and things like that. You roll the dice and move foward that many spaces and then you get to lay one of your cards down as long as there is not a card already there. If there is a card there, you will continue to do what the cards say until you land on an empty spot. The object is to lay these cards down so you will end up in a "Score" zone. When you land on "score" you get a point and the first person to 12 points wins. You can also get a point if you create what we liked to call a conundrum. A conundrum occurs when you lay down, for example a "Go forward 5 spaces," and then you lay down "Go back 5 spaces," thus, you are in a conundrum and no matter what you do, you are stuck until you roll the dice again. Little did we know that this game would go on for almost 2 hours because of all the conundrums that we created.
Of course funny shit began to be said by everyone, so I, of course, had to create a "funny shit" list. It all started when all four of us were stuck in a conumdrum over on the left side of the board. I blurt out "it's like the Bermuda triangle! No wait... the BEER-muda triangle!" We seriously had to take a timeout because we all laughed so hard for so long that we could barely breathe or see. We kept playing the game and the following funny shit was said over the course of the 2 hour Bonkers experience:

Brandon: Carry me to the fridge, Billy.
Dave: A Bonker's back ride.

Dave: Can you believe we got drunk on Bonkers? Can you believe there is a game called Bonkers?!

Dave: This isn't Bonkers! This should be called MEAN. Exclamation point... quotations included.

Brandon: Do something stupid.
Dave: Do you want me to do Billy?

Brandon: You look gay sober.

I really don't know why any of these things were said or in what context, but they were amusing, nonetheless. I'm not sure if we ever actually finished the game. We seriously could not get out of the conundrum we created. You basically had to roll like a 12 or 7 to break out of the conundrum, but then if you didn't roll the same numbers again, once you were out, you'd just end up right back in. Reeeeeediculous. At some point, Billy and I, combined, knocked over 4 beers. The last one I knocked over, I didn't even realize I had knocked it over because I was rolling around on the floor begging for the game to end. Dave started yelling at me to sit up... after I had already acquired beer all over my shoulder. Billy sprinted to the bathroom to grab the box of tissues. I thought he was going to be super helpful and come smash them into the beer puddle so it wouldn't soak into the carpet. No. Instead, he just stood on the other side of the couch and hurled the tissues, one by one, at my head. I had to try to collect as many tissues as possible before all the beer was consumed by the carpet. It was like a freaking scene from Legends of the Hidden Temple or some shit. The person who collects the most tissues and soaks up the most evil fluid wins a Sony Karaoke Machine... no, all I won was a giant beer-soaked tissue wad that was used as a giant beer-soaked spit wad that continued to be hurled at my head for the rest of the evening. Thanks. I think we finally gave up around 4:00 am. We doubt that another game of Bonkers will ever be played quite as greatly as the one that was produced Saturday night. To celebrate our awesome drinking-game creation skills, I made some grilled cheeses. I'm impressed that I didn't burn down the Kuhlman residence. Awesome, and much needed weekend.

In random news: everytime Dave and I got in the truck this weekend, we insisted on blaring "Under Pressure," by Queen. Mostly because we liked to scream along when he would do the "Ba da dup ba day" nonsense.

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