Beer Tickets

this weekend, dave and i went home to simpsonville. our main goal was to show dave downtown greenville so he could get a feel for the church and the hotel where we will be having the wedding/reception. it was also "fall for greenville" or ffg this weekend; which is basically this food festival in the streets of downtown where a bunch of fatties waddle around and stuff their faces. in order to partake in the obesity, you have to buy tickets that will then allow you to buy food and drinks. so gay. so you have to get in line to buy 8 tickets for $5. then you get in another line to buy a wristband for a dollar. then you get in more lines so you can use your tickets to "buy" things. whatever. so we bought like $15 worth of tickets saturday night so we could drink. we met corey and erin downtown to hang out with them -- they bought a wad of tickets too. well, no one told us that ffg was going to quit serving beer at 9:30. who does that? so we were pissed. i bought a huge vanilla jack in the box milkshake on the way home to make up for the calories i missed out on from the beer. gah.
so our genius idea was to just go back on sunday. which is exactly what we did. dave and i slept with our wristbands on in hopes of saving 2 bucks, but the bastards changed colors the next day. erin and corey met us again so they could use up the rest of their tickets too. sweet. so we ended up getting wasted in the middle of the afternoon in the middle of downtown on a freaking sunday. we, too, waddled around with our beers just like the rest of the fatties. but we waddled out of drunkness, not out of fattness. gah, seriously, you'd feel so good about yourself if you saw the people that come out of their homes for food festivals. like, holy crap, i looked like miss america compared to some. okay, that's mean, but i mean, seriously, here's some of the shit we saw:
fat girl in duck slippers
fat girl in hippie pajama pants
fat old lady with high side ponytai
fat black man with blinky sunglasses that induce seizures
fat girl(s) with those stupid cropped jean jackets
7 foot tall fat black man
and a lot of exposed skin that really shouldn't have been exposed
there was also an abundance of emo kids walking around. seriously, i just want to feed them a cheeseburger, brush the back of their hair and give them a hug. dave on the other hand, would rather just kick their asses. so, some scrawny emo dude comes sulking by us and dave's like "gahhhh, i'm so eeeeemmmmoooo" in this bitchy, whiny voice. the guy turns around, all 86 pounds of him, and just stares at dave. dave was like "awww, don't get so bent out of shape, you can go cry about it later, don't worry." i had to laugh. so do you. emo is funny. i don't care who you are, even if you're emo, you know you're laughable.
so, we continued to use our beer tickets. dave was so smart that he even divided them into clusters of 4 because that was what a beer cost: 4 tickets. not $2.50, but 4 tickets. at some point, we only had like 3 tickets and dave really wanted to go ask if he could have 3/4 of a cup.
then we had this genius idea to just go to wild wings and drink beer there. it was cheaper, and there was cheaper food... and more of it. so we went there and drank our asses off some more. erin ended up with this fruity yellow pitcher of goodness that she downed herself. i was proud. so then we finally used up our last tickets, but not until after we went to see if we could ride the swings. unfortunately... well, actually, maybe it was fortunate, that the swings were only for little fatty kiddies. no adults, emo kids or obese moms allowed. so then we thought about stealing the big ass jager banner that was hanging up near the kiddie swings. we had no good way of removing it or hiding it once we would have stolen it, so we had to leave it. damn.
then we drank or last round of beers while sitting on a curb making fun of all the people that we made fun of for the past two days. getting drunk on sundays is cool.

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