2x4s and Pantyhose

This was one of the best weekends I have had in a really long time. And by best, I mean drunk. Interchangable words, really. So, Jayson came into town Friday night. We went to Monterray's at like 6:30, where Joe and Jayson were already drunkish. We started this conversation about how we wanted to buy a kiddy pool and sit in it with rubber duckies and beer.

It progressed to us wanting to buy one of this bigger pools and turn it into a hot tub... and keep it in Dave's room since he was out of town this weekend. Then we embellished. Imagine that. We said the damned thing would probably fall through the floor and Dave would hurt us using his spy techniques for ruining his room. Well, Jayson chimes in with, "quick, I need a 2x4 and some pantyhose!" Apparently, this was his genious solution to our hot tub falling figuratively through the floor. We didn't understand either. But damn, did we find that to be the funniest comment of the weekend. Everything that happened, the solution was "2x4 and pantyhose." Oh no, I spilled my drink; I have insanely dirty feet; an old mistake just walked into the bar -- regardless of the situation, the solution remained constant.
And that is funny. Because of the funniness, I took it upon myself to create a scroll of sayings from the evening. I kept a napkin rolled around a pen and whipped it out anytime someone said something worth remembering.

We went to Esso after Monterray's, where Joe took the liberty of berating one of the girls that works there. She had no idea she was the victim of such ridicule, however. Joe decided the girl looked like a dinosaur based on the largeness of her forehead and positioning of her snout-like nose. Poor girl. This conversation also progressed into a hypothetical about velociraptors. Something about "velociraptors killing a fucker." However, at the time I could not spell this word, so I used phonics. The conversation went like this:
N: is that how you spell it? and pointed to my attempts -- valasa raptor
Jayson: just claim you were using phonetics, bitch.. when you write your blog
N: i don't know how to spell that either!

Joe told me that my spelling attempt looked more like a type of salad dressing choice than a flesh-eating beast. By the way, the picture is Joe's demonstration of the dinosaur girl. Eh. We had our fill of making fun of people and watching Jayson do dumb things, like light his broken cigarette at the end and at the spot where it was broken... and smoke it, and went to TDs. Immediately when we walked into TDs, I felt particularly out of place. This was because everyone in the bar was wearing orange t-shirts. I thought we perhaps had crashed a private gathering. No. Turns out these maniacs were trying to create a $1000 bar tab to get their names nailed to the wall. Whatever. We got free drinks out of it, so cool. This group of girls walked in all decked out with one wearing a sash and tierra. Jayson screamed "Happy Birthday!" The girls turned around and were like, "no, it's a bachelorette party." Jayson responds, "Happy...... Marriage?!" Oh Jayson. You're so drunk. We finished the evening at Tiger Town. By this point we were all wastecases and I no longer can recall particular incidents for you beacuse its blurry from this point on. Sweet. We had high hopes of making it to Tiger Tails Friday night. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, we got shit housed and decided that Beezers and bed was a much better way to end the evening.

Saturday, Megan decided to road trip her happy ass up here. Do the math: Jayson and Megan in town + Joe and Nicole in full fledged bar star mode = drunk. We went downtown already buzzed from playing Power 37 minutes (as opposed to Power Hour). We started at TTTs where Jayson picked up some notepads that were randomly strewn across a table. Beckoning him, of course. He drew us a picture of the 4 of us, anatomically correct of course - me with big hair and big boobs, Jayson short with squinty eyes and Joe and Megan. Ha. He was like "What are there 4 of??" Without skipping a beat, I screamed "Ninja Turtles!"
WTF? So we were the 4 Ninja Turtles. We went to Overtime early to get our signature spot -- the front booth/couch area. And we got so drunk so damn fast. Probably because little miss Megan decided it would be awesome to come back from the bar with a mind eraser and a black & blue shot. Thanks. Keep in mind that these two shots sperate fuck my whole world up. Combined, back to back none the less, makes for seriously fucking up of the world. I went buck freakin' wild. Like, so ridiculous that I was dancing on the couch because, apparently I was too good for the floor, with these two huge black guys who made me kinda look like that scene from Night at the Roxbury. I got sick of stabbing holes in the couch.. so I took off my damn shoes. Gross. Who does that? Really. Didn't even phase me, either; seemed like the most logical idea of the night. Can I please mention that my feet are still black and I scrubbed them for about 30 minutes in the shower today. Ewww. I kinda shudder when I think about what has been on that couch. Then I walked to the car barefoot too. Smart. I honestly can't really give specifics for Saturday night either. All I know is that I did a horrid job trying to take pictures, I had huge hair, Kevin and Leah were there and we danced our asses off. Like I said best/drunkest weekend in a while. I love it.

*to prove my drunkness, I completely failed to mention that the one and only Stephanie was there too. She informed me with this IM:
takenoteladyso...my dancing skills didn't make it into your blog...haha...i felt sure that i created an equally bad scene with my booty skirt and cowboy boots that i for some reason felt were appropriate while i drunkenly contemplated going to OT....you and i were quite a pair on that couch. hahaha your pics of your weekend entertain me!!
and Steph, now that you mention it, I do recall you helping me create a fantastic scene on the couch. So thank you for reminding me (sorry that the Mind Eraser did it's job and I failed to include you in the debauchery). And yes, as I recall, you did help create an equally ridiculous scene. Which is all the more reason I love you.

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