Sit On Your Hands and Shut Up

Friday the 6th of January, we went downtown to celebrate being back in Clemson. We (me, Erin, Kim, Joe, Corey) ended up meeting Wiggins, Jabba and Chew somewhere along the way so we had quite a gathering of drunks. Erin and I sang the Hippopatamus song to Wiggins... reallly loudly in Tiger Town, while standing up... we also took a lot of shots to celebrate the free pour that we now have. We later decided we want our mini bottles back because we get drunker with them. Whatever.
We left downtown and got Corey to drive Erin's car. We put Wiggins in the trunk because he is the most out of control and because we ran out of room in the back seat. Well, we are all screaming and carrying on when we see blue lights behind us all of a sudden. SHIT. Everyone goes into panic mode and starts flailing about trying to fumble for seatbelts. Wiggins, all the while, is in the back with Erin's first aid kit saying that he swears there are emergency tampons back there if any of us need them. Becauce tampons will help us... So we pull over in the sketch ass parking lot of this car fixing place and the cop starts coming toward us. Everyone is "ssssshhhhing" everyone else and we are trying to be quiet and calm. As Corey is rolling down the window and just before our cop lady gets to him, Wiggins bursts out, "I've seen her titties!!!" Do you know how impossible it was to not laugh at that very moment? So, the cop gets to the window, gets all of Corey's info and shit, and goes back around the car. We are all trying to be quiet, but we are engaged in the "drunk whisper," you know, where you think you are being quiet but you are actually being louder than your normal volume? So we are yelling at Wiggins because Wiggins keep talking about emergency tampons, which in actuality, there were no tampons anywhere in the first aid emergency kit. Joe requested a crowbar to beat Wiggins into silence... Erin told Wiggins to "just sit on your hands and shut up!" I just kept giggling and snorting and all of us pretty much thought we were going to jail. We also keep yelling/laughing/sshhing Wiggins for telling us how he had seen the cop's boobs. None of us believed him at all. We just thought he was being belligerent. Well, as it turned out, Wiggins did know the lady cop... She came back over, told Corey to just slow down, gave him a warning and asked, "is that P in the back?" Apparently Wiggins also goes by P... We all cracked the hell up. I laughed so hard I hurt. So thanks, Wiggins, for seeing cop boobies and getting us out of jail free.

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