Then What is Forever For...

As I've mentioned, I started graduate school this semester. Yesterday I had a class with Dr. Neil, and he shared a little background about his family. He told us how his parents divorced when he was 6 years old, and how he didn't understand divorce because he thought marriage was forever. He used this quote:
"If something isn't forever, then what is forever for?"
Doesn't that make you think? And doesn't it make you sad?
Once upon a time, I thought I was going to have a forever. I had the ring that was going to prove it. It may not have been an engagement ring, but it was a beautiful diamond, and it was from the only person I have ever been in love with. I don't mean for this to sound like a sob story, because it actually isn't. I've learned so much from that relationship and I am so thankful that I had him in my life. The relationship I had with Blair is actually a good portion of the reasoning behind my desires to become a counselor.
For years, I have said that I am terrible at my own relationships; that I am bad at being in them, but really good at giving advice to others about their relationships. I had convinced myself that I was infact doomed to a lifetime of crappy, ailing relationships because I was incapable of handling myself within them. At the risk of sounding completely poetic and ridiculous -- I left yesterday's class feeling that I had encountered some small form of an epiphany. Dr. Neil said that we "wouldn't be going into the counseling field, if we weren't good at it ourselves." And obviously, I wouldn't want to go into marriage counseling if I wasn't good at relationships. Before I had a full-fledged panic attack, I realized that maybe, just maybe, I am actually good at all this boyfriend/girlfriend stuff after all. Just because these relationships have not lasted, does not mean that I did not put my heart into them. Just because Blair and I broke up, does not mean I suck at relationships. We were both actually amazing for each other. Shit happens though. And sometimes shit shouldn't happen as much as it did for he and I. But we tried. And we loved each other. And I offered everything I could. I tried so hard to make things work and to compromise. And I know he did too. And we both learned from what we had, which is the most important part of a relationship or breakup. If you can come out of something so serious and feel that you know yourself better, then a breakup is not necessarily a failure. And I thank God that I realize that now.
I am so excited about grad school. I feel like I am really doing the right thing by advancing within the field of counseling. My life wouldn't make sense if I wasn't supposed to help other people solve their problems and at the same time help myself continue learning. I am looking forward to the madness and wonderfulness that is grad school.

1 Response to "Then What is Forever For..."

  1. Joe Says:

    I dont know if i can express how happy I am for you nic, and how proud I am for you having the courage to look into yourself on this. Not many people can do that. I am so glad that you recognize that you arent a failure nicole because you are anything but that. I really hope the rest of your classes can lead to such good things as this. love ya nic