Welcome Aboard Flight 7127 - Destination: Hell

This past weekend was my cousin Jen's wedding. Her and Pete got married Saturday June 4th in Wilmington, Delaware and it was such a beautiful wedding. And a badass good time reception. Everyone had such a great time and got completely t-rashed! Michael and I even did the shoulder shake on the dance floor together. Ha. My mom and I had flown into the Washington airport Thursday and we drove the remaining 3 hours to Delaware. Our flight home was scheduled for 5:00 Monday afternoon. Yeah... that would have been nice.
We got to the airport around 2:00 just because security and check-in and all that shit is a pain in the ass, especially since it is Washington DC. Well, around 4:00, our flight had been delayed until 6:40 due to weather. Fine. I had Cosmo to read so I was well entertained. Well, around 5:00, our frickin flight was delayed until 10:00 pm. WTF?! Do you know how badly that sucked to hear? So we had to get in the damn customer service line to switch our tickets to the 10:00 flight to GSP airport. So mom and I were sick of sitting in stupid concourse G terminal and decided to go roam around the other terminals. Washington airport is huge. You actually have to take these goofy space-like buses to get to the other terminals and to the baggage claim area. It's pretty overwhelming, honestly. So, we got to the other terminals and realized that other airlines were not delaying or canceling flights so we were pretty pissed off that United Air was doing this to us. Mind you, this is the bastard airline that is going bankrupt... gee, I wonder why.
So we tried to get other flights with other airlines but they were all booked of course. So we wound up back in our terminal... whereupon our flight was canceled completely. What the hell are you supposed to do when that happens? And these bitches were no help. And foreign at that. I'm sorry if that is racist, but damnit I want to deal with someone whom I can understand and who knows what the fuck they are doing. So, we have to get back in the stupid customer service line and switch our tickets so we can now fly into Columbia. Because that makes sense. You have to fly right over GSP to get to ugly Columbia... whatever. So we got our tickets changed and our luggage swapped; so we thought. So this flight was also supposed to leave at 10:00. Of course it got delayed... until 11:40. We didn't board the bitch until midnight. All the while, Mom is on the phone with Hertz, the rental car people, so we can drive back at 1:00 in the damn morning to Simpsonville. Hertz said they would stay until 1:00 am for our flight to arrive. Good thing we didn't get off the mother f-bomb ground until 2:30 in the morning... yeah. Holyshit I have never been so mad and upset in my life.
Mom and I were sitting on the plane at midnight and the pilot told us that they just had a little bit of paperwork to finish and then we would be on our way. Cool, we though. Then this crazy lightening storm comes barreling through causing the entire airport to be on a groundhold. Ugh. Well, once the storm stopped, we were still sitting there. It was about 12:50 by this time. So Mom is at her wit's end and she is like "I have to get off this plane - NOW." So we actually got off a plane. That's really scary... we went back inside the terminal to try to get on the morning flight because by this time we figured the car rental place would be closed and we wouldn't have a way out of Columbia until the morning anyway. So Mom is talking to this guy and she asked him to please get our luggage off the plane. he said, and I quote "I can't be the reason for the delay of your flight." Mom went apeshit. I was on the other side of the terminal and I could hear her yelling. I don't blame her... my turn was coming. She was like "Delay? Are you frickin kidding me?! That is all your damn airline knows how to do! Let me guess? You just dont have time to deal with this either, do you?" The guy was like 'Uhhhh." She was like "That is exactly what I thought." He was like "Well ma'am I'm sorry and try to have a nice night." Mom was like "Oh I'm sure you're sorry. And you know what, you try to have a nice night too." Then the bitch that had to walk with us off the plane was like, "It's possible that the pilot will not wait for you." Enter my turn to snap. This time, I was the one screaming. I was like 'What?! He better wait!" And you guys know how scary I can be when I get insanely mad -- imagine Mom and I both being this livid. I was scared for other people's safety. I was like "I swear to God, if this plane leaves us or cancels the flight, I am going to fucking jail because I am going to kill someone." Mom was like, "I'll be right there with you." So you know, we try to get on the 8:00 am flight to GSP - of course it is booked, but they would be glad to put us on the 5:00 flight. Right. Because that does us a lot of good. So we get back on the stupid plane. It is now 1:30 in the morning and we had to run down the boarding area just incase they were getting ready for take off... Right. Glad we ran just so we could sit there for another stupid hour. The reason we sat there for another hour was because we didn't have fuel. Are you fucking kidding me?! Isn't that some kind of prerequisite? Don't you have to have fuel in the plane before people can board?! Ohmygod... so we finally get a fuel truck to come... and guess what? He was out of fuel!!! I actually said outloud, "you're one job in life is to have fuel. And you can't even do that right. Jesus Christ." So we finally got fuel and the go-ahead to take off. I bawled the minute we got in the air. I hate flying. I had a complete panic attack. I freaked out on the flight to Delaware also. But this time I just lost it completely. My mom had to hold my hand and tell me that the scary plane noises were normal. I couldn't catch my breath and I was afraid to open my eyes because I didn't want to see outside. There was scary lightening everywhere and the pilot wouldn't fly above the clouds because there would be more turbulence. Which only meant that I would see the earth the entire time if we were to crash into it. I really though I was going to die on that plane. We had sat on the ground for so long that I convinced myself there was a mechanical glich and we were going to crash once in the air. And it doesn't help when the seat in front of you says "seat cushion turns into flotation device" Jesus.
We landed at 3:30 at the Columbia airport. Where I finally caught my breath. Low and behold - there was one lonely man behind the counter of the rental car place. Little angels were behind him singing "Aaaaah" I swear. He stayed for us!! God, I love South Carolina. Of course our luggage wasn't on the plane. Imagine that. It got sent to GSP - but there was acually someone to help us fill out a baggage problem form too! Thank God for those nice people. Mom and I got home at 5:30 in the morning. I talked to her the whole way home even though it was difficult for me to even make complete sentences. I was so drained and I knew she had to be even worse off than I was so I knew I had to talk to her to keep her focused. We made it. It was miserable, but we were glad that we at least had each other for support through it all.
I don't know if I will ever be able to fly again. It scared me so much. And what sucked was that I had flown before, but I guess it was on a bigger plane. I don't know. Either way, I'm just glad we made it back alive and in one piece.

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